The Worst "Mom-ism" You've Ever Said
Dear WTMs,
What is the worst "mom-ism" comment that you have said to your kids (outloud) that you can't believe that you said? What have you said to your kids that your mom probably said to you? You know, one of those comments that as a kid, you thought to yourself "I will never say that to MY children"...but then you did.
Here's mine-
Last year, during Lent, I was dragging the girls to Mass. As we were speeding toward the church (almost late, per usual) I was on the phone with one of my best friends. We grew up together and her mother used to drive the car and then scream at us to behave while she whacked us with her house slipper. It was a soft house slipper but I think you get the picture.
Anyway, while speeding to Mass I was talking to my friend on the cell phone AND yelling at MY kids. Nice, huh? A picture perfect Catholic family.
ANYWAY, so one of the girls says something like:
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH, MAAAAAAM. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT......To which I reply:
DO YOU THINK THAT JESUS WANTED TO DIE ON THE CROSS? DO YOU THINK THAT HE FELT LIKE IT?(please note-it was totally a reflex from that MOM gene, was not really me talking, I swear) In my yelling, I forgot my friend was on the phone but she was peeing in her pants, she was laughing so hard at my totally twisted MOM comment. She will NEVER let me live it down. Being such a long time friend, she has also told most of our other twisted friends so that they make fun of me as well. And I can also take comfort in the fact that comments like those will be brought up later, by my daughters with their future therapy appointments. So what is your most hideous "mom-ism"? I want funny stuff, ladies. Blog on sisters in the WT.
posted by queen of wt at 3/08/2006 03:59:00 AM
39 Comments:
Shelli
LOVE IT! Of course logically you know that you can't get pneumonia from going shoeless BUT who says mothers use logic, right?
After my children have done something that I have told them not to for the gazillion time (climbing things, wrestling each other- you get the picture) my line is always "If you break your head open you will be cleaning your own blood up!" Or the all time favorite of my kids "I don't have time to go to the emergency room now so if you break a bone you will have to wait until tomorrow to get help." I really would take them if they broke a bone. Really. Just don't tell them that!
Didn't we all swear that we would never utter the phrase "Because I said so!"???
And yes, I am guilty as charged.
I am also guilty of saying completely illogical things like "When you fall off that play structure and break both your legs, don't even think of running over to me!"
'Cuz, you know, if you've got two broken legs, there is probably not a whole lot of running going on... The Queen said it when she said "who says mothers use logic"!
You'll put your eye out.
Stop touching, looking at, breathing near your brother. (those 3 are interchangeable at all times).
I'll stop this car right now and make you walk home.
No TV for a week. (I always cave on that one, because if they can't watch tv, then I can't accomplish anything.)
Don't make me take off your door. (I have pulled the hinge pins out of bedroom doors when they've been slammed one too many times. The kids hate that.)
The one most commonly uttered right before I slap my hand over my mouth?
"So if your friends all jumped off a bridge I suppose you would do that too."
Ladies, it is truly a pleasure! I often berate myself for being a bad mother (and many times, it is with good reason because I AM a bad mother sometimes) but I truly am so happy to have this blog to connect with the rest of the WT Moms out there in cyber space! TOOOO FUNNY girls! BTW, do any of you guys do the gritted teeth thing where you say (with gritted teeth): I swear to GOD,if you don't
1)get back in the house
2)get in this car
3)fill in the blank
You are going to be in BIG trouble.
Then naturally I do nothing about it once the crisis is over.
When picking up takeout from McDonald's, my nephews wanted sodas, and I told them "there's soda at home!" My mom used to try that one on me, but as all kids know, the soda at McDonald's is so much better than the exact same product at home. McDonald's soda for everybody!
Years ago, while my mom walked me to school, I asked her at an intersection "Mom, why do we say the pledge of allegiance in school?" And she said, 'So you don't get hit by a car.
I still give her crap about this. And her reply? "Well, it worked, didn't it?"
I like to keep my kids a little off kilter. I actually did pull over and make my teenage son get out of the car and walk home. He could not believe I did it and walked home. (we were near home. I probably would not have done this otherwide). That was years ago and we do laugh about it now. His younger brother knows I just might pull something nutty and does not give me to much push back.
u guys r weird i wish i had a mom 2 tell me dumb stuff but i dont so imma read urs n laff it up... but 2 of my dads favs r now u know why tigers eat there young n i brought u into this world n i can take ya rite back out.
"I don't care what your Daddy said, I said 'No!'"
My little girl often comes to me wanting "to do something" which means she is bored. So I tell her to go play "with the millions of toys that your daddy and I have bought, surely there is something in there you can play with!"
You know I've already broken out with??? "In my day we didn't have the internet!!"
I always tell the kids "I am not the cruise director" when they are whining about being bored. But my worse momism is "unless your legs are broken, you need to take care of it yourself." I cannot count the # of times my dad said that to me.
"Do you *want* a time out?"
"If you poke the cat again and she scratches you, I'm not going to feel sorry for you."
And someday, I'm sure I'll spew out my mom's favorite high-school vintage quote re curfews: "There's nothing you can do after midnight that you can't do before, except get into trouble!"
I posted just one not so long ago - when I found that someone had left some poo on the toilet seat - to which I screamed to my 5-yr old.
"Do.You.Know.That.If.You.Put.Your. Hands.In.Your.Mouth.After.You.Touch.Poop.You.Can DIE?????"
Not the best day I've had...lololol!!
"Don't climb that high. I hate the emergency room on Fridays." It wasn't until my son was about 12 that he said, "You say that about EVERY day!"
LOL
My boys swear they are going to have 'It's not rocket science!!!' engraved on my headstone.
I find myself uttering the same phrase from my mom that I claimed was not a reason when she said it
" Because I'm the mom, thats why"
The first time I said it, I actually looked around me to see if mom was around. Surely I would not be guilty of using the dreaded "mom reason"
Hey guys---I LOVE these comments. I have been cracking up. I was going to do a post about Project Runway (where the hell is my chiffon?) but I want to keep this up for another day. Okay, here is something that I will NEVER say (because my mom lived by it): What will the neighbors think? That was always the first thing out of my mom's mouth upon learning something that I did. It always cracked me up (and my brother, sister, my best friends next door) because some of the neighbors were completely insane. Example: the nice old man in the house on the corner who would get mad at the kids for getting the kickball in his yard and once took out a gun. That's just suburbia for you! YIKES!
WTM's please keep these comments coming and send this to your friends. I want to know more as these are great. Have a good day all you funny moms.
Note to bc11-the giving up God for Lent comment made me spew my coffee this AM.
okay I have said ALL of the previously mentioned idiotic momisms: I am officially the worst mother! jus kidn :) I LOVE "fair is an Anglo-Saxon myth" I have never heard that one! My lovely contribution today is actually a quote from my best friend. You know when you are on the phone chatting away and due to time constraint/impending disaster, you have to say/shout something to your children without excusing yourself from the person on the line with you? Okay, so I'm on with my girl on the kids are playing in her yard, it's summer, they are in bathing suits, she has garden ornaments..you get the picture. Well, her loose rule for these situations is peeing in a corner of the yard rather than wet, grassy, muddy feet on the kitchen floor, very WT and also practical. So we are talking away and she is saying "So I found the cutest top at Wal-Mart and I'm looking at the other ones on the rack and DON'T PEE ON MY FROG!! and there's the same shirt but in pink" I was dying on the other end and she goes "what?" She didn't even realize what she had said or that she even said anything at all. It would complete reflex. We still throw this one out there on occasion to crack ourselves up. BTW, looking forward to Project Runway entry. The outcome sickens me.
"If it was a snake, it would have bitten you" -- said to kids and husband who can't find an item that is in front of them.
"Offer it up" - catholic standby when kids whine about xxxx.
I was trying to tie my son's shoes at the bus stop this morning. Yep, we walked on down there with the shoes untied and the knapsack hangin' off the shoulders...So he kept moving his foot and saying, Don't tickle me. (I had no intention of tickling him!) and I said, I'm gonna tickle you with my FIST!
My other favorite is, I'm gonna GIVE you something to cry about.
Do I qualify as a good WTM?
bcc11's comment about not licking the dog reminded me that I once had to say "Don't pee on the dog." I hope to never say that again.
I recite the following to my daughter at every diaper change:
Be gentle to your vagina.
*sigh* I suppose it can only go up from there (literally...)
"Because I said so, that's why."
Ugh. I HATE CHANNELING my mother. But I do it well.
Have a happy weekend!
If you don't get in your carseat Santa won't bring you any presents! (in a fit of mommy-exasperation because my stubborn girl would not get in the car and it was 20 degrees outside)
And...
I can't hear you when you use your whiney voice.
That's HILAROUS! I have used some Jesus Guilt too even though I know that is HORRIBLE and I don't want them to equate Jesus/God with guilt. I said 'Jesus and Santa are watching you RIGHT NOW and they don't like what they see!' And then my 6 year old started to cry!!
How about the reply for "I don't want to eat that" is, "I'm not running a resteraunt. You eat what I make or not at all." And "I am neither blind, deaf nor dumb, that excuse doesn't work on me." "Clean you room it looks like a pigsty" And lastly, "What do I look like, your maid? Get it yourself" (told to the 10 year old).
I just found your site. Very funny. My favorite (used often) is: "I'm not going to go to college with you so I can A)brush your hair B) tie your shoes, C) do your laundry..."
"You are not allowed to yell at your family because we love you!" (Usually yelled.)
My favorite Mom-ism actually comes from my sister. When explaining that things could always be worse, she says, "Well, you could be in India with flies around your eyes."
"Did you forget your magic words?"
"I said, in a minute!"
"I'm not a short order cook. There's peanut butter and jelly or cereal. Daddy and I are eating this."
"Come over here so I can check the plaque on your teeth."
"Eat your green beans. All of them. No, not just 5, all of them."
[because this post of yours made me nearly pee my pants, you're now on my links list. welcome to my circle of reasons to procrastinate!]
I have this thing about women having a much keener sense of "being able to find things", so that is a bit of a preface to the first "Momism".
So, when small child is whining about not being able to find her "whatever"....this is my normal response-----> "Use your uterus, I'm sure you could find it then!" I normally only go with that one when I'm tired, but it is one of my personal favorites.
My other oldie but goodie pertains to said small child not listenening after several attempts to get her to do "whatever". It goes a little something like this------> "What!?! Am I speaking Swahili?!" The best part is that I have heard her using that phrase with the dog, so that's quite amusing! Especially since she is 5....turning 24 in May!
First, here are a couple I hated when my mom said them to me:
- Look it up! (Answer to "how do I spell...."
- Your father is going to have to cut your steak at your wedding! (I used to make my dad cut my steak)
My personal favorite that I use on my kids (said when they are annoying me while we are shopping/running errands/etc):
-Knock it off; you know how I hate to beat you in public (I get a LOT of looks for that one).
to my daughter...
after she committed some infraction...
"thing two, do you think that made Jesus happy? hmmm??"
thing one interjects,... "sister, you made Jesus cry. he is crying RIGHT NOW because you are bad.."
I had to stop it at that point. haha!
OMG as a mother of two I don't have the bladder control to laugh this hard anymore! Thank you for brightening up my pity party today.
My worst one to date: (when my child fell after being told not to run/jump/whatever) "God is punishing you for not listening to me!" yuck. Never been prouder than that moment >:<
"If you jump off that and break your neck I'm not visiting you in the group home!"
"If you don't stop _________ right now, I'm going to snatch you BALD HEADED!!!"
I gotta' say I am LOVING the "You are making Jesus CRY" admonishments..
Too, too funny (allov'em)
I have probably said all of those comments at one time or the other, but my worst one was as I was driving down the road and the kids were fighting in the back and I screamed "DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!!!!!"......my mom used that one all the time
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