Sunday, February 05, 2006

8 Year Old Birthday Party-WMD

Dear WTMs, I have devised a new method of torture for bad people. As a WMD (WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION), we should take any known bad guys and make them spend 2 to 3 hours with a group of eight year old girls. Before you get too upset, read on. Here is what I see---two bad guys (unarmed, naturally) chained to chairs in a room. While they are chained to a chair, a birthday party goes on around them. Birthday party consists of 20 eight year old girls. So we are clear---one room, two bad guys, TWENTY eight year old girls. Add in sugar, loud music by Hillary Duff (over and over) and some crafts....you have the answer for world peace, REALLY. Because if the evil ones spent a few hours enduring the kind of torture, I believe it would "break" them in a way that conventional methods have failed. Some of the reasons this torture is so bad:
  • Have one little girl say the same thing over and over and over, 1 inch from their face. Very loud.
  • Play the pop music right next to their ears. The tin, horrid sound will give them a splitting headache in 45 minutes.
  • Have all of twenty participants ask the bad guys the same question, over and over. As soon as they answer the question, the next child will ask the SAME question. Do this until all 20 kids have asked the same question. Then...start it over and have the children do the same thing with a DIFFERENT question. DO this 100 times.
Sure, I am being dramatic but there is a little truth to my rant. I had a birthday party yesterday for my youngest daughter. I even had help from my 12 year old daughter and two of her friends. My older daughter, whom we lovingly call "THE CHAINSAW", was completely comatose last night after the party. My older daughter was given the nickname "CHAINSAW" at age 4, due to the fact that she has two speeds: off and on. There is no volume gage, there is no fast/slow-----this gal wakes up in the morning and starts. And she GOES FAST-----all day, all evening----until at night she DROPS. But I am getting away from the the point of the story-----the fact is that is takes a TON to wear out my older daughter. She is VERY high energy. Last night she went to bed at 9pm. Perhaps I am not a good mother or a person lacking in moral fiber. Perhaps I have a low tolerance for pain. Maybe I am old. But the party yesterday gave me a headache that I just now got rid of, 24 hours later. I slept until after 9am this morning. It drained the energy completely out of me. Call me a loser but these kids were nice kids, good kids at the party. But the sheer energy force just sucked the life out of my being for almost 24 hours. Am I a wimp or is this typical?

8 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

Oh dear god. That is one of my biggest nightmares. ITs probably why we'll most likely rent space at a local museum or fun place for future birthday parties. And also why there will be a limit to the number of kids there!

2/05/2006 6:36 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

No, I don't think I every had the energy my kids do...

I have a birthday party for a 7 year old boy coming up. I am going to start spiking my drinks now.

2/05/2006 8:37 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Three words: Chuck E. Cheese.

There is a reason for everthing.

2/06/2006 3:02 AM  
Blogger The Cake Lady said...

You are definitely not a wimp, but very, very brave! I'm physically shuddering at the thought!

2/07/2006 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Jamie said...

You have just given me a frightening glimpse into my future. I'm with ditsy chick on needing a drink now just to steady my nerves. Motherhood is not for wimps!

2/07/2006 5:21 PM  
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