Sunday, November 27, 2005

WT Mom Holiday Survival Tip #1-Trapped by the MUFFIA

The soccer games are over, the PTA mixers are usually so crowded and loud so you don't have to really "mix" with the "MUFFIA" for longer than it takes to SMILE AND WAVE---and then DASH. You are pleased. You think you are safe. THEN THE HOLIDAYS ARRIVE. The holiday season can be a potential minefield for the "WT" mom. There are TONS of holiday gatherings...both at the school and outside school. You may dread it but buck up, because this is what you signed on for when you became a parent of a school-aged child. So like the good WT MOM you are---you make lemon out of the proverbial lemonade. I will give you MY TOP FIVE Holiday survival tips in the next few days. Please add in and share whatever survival tips or stories that YOU have as well. The readers of this blog are HIGHLY creative (ex: Miss Minnesota's Halloween costume) so I look forward to hearing your feedback! White Trash Mom Holiday Survival Tip #1 You are at the 3rd Grade Mother/Daughter Ornament Exchange. It is a Sunday afternoon two weeks before Christmas. Naturally, only a member of the EVIL MUFFIA would schedule such a stupid time for a party. So you and your daughter are at the party and two of the MUFFYS surround you over by the drink table. As you are trying in vain to get the last of the alcoholic egg nog out of the punch bowl, KACKY and NONNY fly in for the kill. "Kack" starts discussing her perfect family and their upcoming trip to Bermuda over the Christmas holiday. Nonny chimes in how she her shopping done in July for Christmas--except for the handmade quilts she sews every year for the homeless. The muffy twins look at you, expecting you to either try to a)top their stories OR b)come up with a story from YOUR life (that will clearly be inferior). Instead of feeding into their evil plan---you use WT Mom Survival Tip #1-BORE THEM TO TEARS WITH A HIGHLY COMPLEX CRAFT STORY. Yes readers----a highly complex and long winded story about the obscure craft that your family does every holiday will do two things. First, it will drive away the muffia in about 3 minutes, as if by magic. Second, it will allow YOU to have control of the situation, rather than trying to play THEIR evil REINDEER games. You will of course have to do your homework, pre-holiday parties but it is SO worth it. One of my favorites is FLOORCLOTHS. Example: Floorcloths have been in American homes since the Revolutionary War. They were quite fashionable and sought after, mostly made in England from sail cloth and painted in traditional designs. You get the picture. Now remember---it has to be something rather obscure but not too "wild'. The point is to get them to GO AWAY---not give them more fodder for their evil plans. I have included a link to a craft online resource in the title of today's blog entry. Look for needle-point/hand loom/spinning items. Making the "no-sew" blankets that you get at JoAnn's fabrics does not count!


Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Our MUFFIA here in Phoenix are out of control. These women drive around golf carts and not just any golf carts, souped up golf carts. They have flames painted on them and there was one at my son's school the other day with a 'Who framed Roger Rabbit' car fitted over the top of their boring golf cart chassis.

Thanks for the hints on how to get back at them for the suffering we incur the rest of the year.

11/28/2005 10:50 AM  
Blogger pattygal said...

i'm concerned. i've been invited to the neighborhood "cookie exchange." I am to bring EIGHT DOZEN HOME BAKED COOKIES..." oh, and a container large enough to take one dozen home. the invitation made no mention whatsoever of open bar, BYOB or spiked eggnog fountain... dare I attend? perhaps, if only for a blog topic!

11/28/2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Wow. That is a really good idea. I can't wait to hear more tips.

11/28/2005 6:28 PM  
Blogger Pinky Toe said...

When I was a young mother, the only time the other mothers paid any attention to me was when they wanted me to do something - like chaperone, bake something, be girl scout leader..

Not that I wanted them to talk to me. - because then they talked DOWN to me. They just made a lot of assumptions about me based upon appearance - supposedly I looked too young to have a child that age.

11/28/2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Excellent. I think an excellent tip for wrapping gifts that you have to take to stupid gift exchanges is to buy the cheap paper from Target (yes!) and then buy expensive looking ribbon to tie bows on it with.

And continue to "home bake" cookies, gingerbread men by taking them out of the packaging and putting them on wax paper, in tupperware. Yeah!

11/28/2005 10:11 PM  
Blogger tacky princess said...

Pattygal - Yes, of course, you should go to the cookie exchange. We mustn't assume that just because someone is throwing this type of event that she is muffia. But how come you take eight dozen and come prepared to bring home ONE DOZEN? Where do all the others go???!!!!

11/29/2005 9:15 AM  

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