Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Poured into a gold swimsuit, Make Me A Supermodel winner Jen Hunter looks as if this outfit was custom-made for her.
But the one-piece triggered a furious row about stick-thin models when her rival finalist Marianne Berglund appeared painfully underweight in the same attire.Jen Hunter, age 24, is a contestant on a British Reality TV show. She's a healthy size 12 and was reduced to tears by judges, who gave her harsh words because she "wasn't taking the exercise and diet program seriously". Can you believe this! If this isn't just a snapshot of how sick and twisted things are....I don't know what is. Talk to me people.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Ah, the Snow Day
Monday, November 27, 2006
- I have an almost 13-year-old girl who is not "concentration camp" thin----and I have trouble finding her clothes!
- I have an 8 year old that can wear a size SMALL---for Women's t-shirts!
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Only a Friend Would Dress Your Kid Like a Hooker
Friday, November 24, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
Like I Have Time For That...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
- Who is going to take little Tommy to the ER after Molly pokes him with the scissors?
- If they kids want to be involved, why not involve them in cleaning the guest bathroom before company arrives? Guest bath is currently a Barbie pool so taking the naked Barbies out of the sink would be nice.
- If kids want something to do, why not have them help Mom and Dad with the Thanksgiving meal? Or at least get Uncle Bob a beer from the frig while he watches the football game?
- Glue before a meal? If they eat the glue, they won't eat their dinner.
- What do you suggest when the newly created centerpiece becomes a football?
- My nephew thought it would be funny to make the turkey anatomically correct. Would you like to take a photo of his centerpiece for next year's catalog?
- Do you have any other completely insane suggestions from LALA land?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Spam Burrito for Pesky Relatives
SPAM BREAKFAST BURRITOS Recipe By : Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time :0:00 Categories : Main Dish Breakfast Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed -(12 oz) 4 Eggs 2 tb Milk 1 tb Butter or margarine 6 Flour tortillas (6") 1 c Shredded Cheddar cheese, -divided 1 c Shredded Monterey Jack -cheese, divided CHI-CHI's Salsa to Taco -Sauce Heat oven to 400'F. In bowl, beat together SPAM, eggs, and milk. Melt butter in large skillet; add egg mixture. Cook, stirring, to desired doneness. Fill each tortilla with SPAM mixture and half of cheeses. Roll burrito; place seam side down on 12x8" baking dish. Sprinkle remaining cheese over top of burritos. Bake 5-10 minutes of until cheese is melted. Serve with salsa.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Pottery Barn Versus Reality During the Holidays
- make buckets of money
- are concentration camp THIN
- bake homemade bread
- design craft projects for your kids
- speak Mandarin Chinese fluently
- romp like a sex kitten with your man
- None of the children are picking their noses
- The children are not squabbling
- All kids have clean, non stained clothing
- None of the older kids are trying to sample Uncle Jack's "toddy"
- There is no dog nearby getting fed under the table
- No children are whining
- No one is sick (there is always a sick one, every holiday)
- And finally---the plates and utensils actually match.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Trust but Verify-Kid Sick Days
Quizlaw brought a news story to my attention. Quizlaw is a great blog, if you don't read it.
The story-There was a recent Florida incident where a mom used DUCT TAPE her kids together while she went to work. Another case study for mothers that should not have kids. Luckily, neighbors heard the crying children and called the police. You can read the story of this mother of the year by clicking on today's title "Duct Tape Babysitting".
The incident is scary and horrid enough...but my peeps at Quizlaw (always twisted) began offering the QUIZ LAW BRAND BABYSITTING TAPE.
I am not laughing at child abuse. But the "duct tape as a babysitter" is so wrong...and so stupid that it is a ripe subject for dark humor. Anyone? Bueller? And is it me or do more of these incidents seem to happen in Florida?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
New Fun Friends at the New School!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Catholic Holy Day-All Saints Day
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
On this day of Halloween, we all need to take a moment and reflect on the closing of the company that produced the ORIGINAL plastic pink flamingo. The pink flamingo, a WT cultural icon beloved by shallow and tacky Americans everywhere...is on it's way to extinction. I don't need to tell my WT readers what a serious matter this is.
Here is the story about the pink flamingo crisis, from one of my favorite websites, IMPROBABLE.com.
Read the info at Improbable.com but to sumarize: Union Products Inc., the original manufacturer of the plastic pink flamingo, will close its doors by Nov. 1, according to the company’s president.
It's a dark day in WT America my friends. Pop open a cold one right now in your trailer and remember the good times.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Muffy's Daughter Needs Physical Therapy
Dear Abby vs White Trash Mom
The problem is my father. Dad is very physically affectionate, even against the will of our daughter. For example, if she walks past him, he'll grab her and squeeze her and kiss her while she struggles to break free. It's all in the spirit of a playful hug, but it bothers my wife and me to hear and see our little daughter say "No!" and struggle to get away while he says things like, "No, I'm not going to let you get away. This is what a granddad does."
My father imposes the same behavior on me, coming up behind me and forcibly hugging me while I cook, wash dishes or some other task. When I say this makes me uncomfortable, he either acts offended or makes fun of me. His aggressive demand for physical affection is becoming an issue with us. But when we say things like, "Let her go" or "Respect her boundaries," my parents make light of the situation. In fact, my mother said on her last visit, "Your daughter HAS no boundaries!"
What can we do to protect ourselves and our kids from my father's aggression without hurting his feelings or starting a fight? -- ANXIOUS DAD IN OHIO
Here is the reply from DEAR ABBY:
DEAR ANXIOUS DAD: Perhaps back in the day when your parents were raising you, children didn't have boundaries, but times and circumstances have changed. Today, parents teach children to assert themselves if someone's touch makes them uncomfortable so they will be less submissive if an adult tries to take advantage of them.
There may not be a way to protect yourselves and your children from your father without "hurting his feelings" or "starting an argument." People as insensitive to the feelings of others as he appears to be are usually hypersensitive when it comes to their own.
Because your father (and mother) refuse to accept YOUR boundaries when you ask him to let your daughter go, recognize that his time with your children should be severely curtailed until they're old enough to fight him off. And the next time he grabs you from behind, don't "suggest" that it makes you uncomfortable; INSIST that he let you go.
DEAR ABBY has been giving good advice for years. I can't say that her advice is not good. However, White Trash Mom, has a little different, a more DIRECT approach communicating with "Anxious Dad" about his creepy dad and mom.
DEAR ANXIOUS DAD: Quit being a wuss! Your dad and mom, while I am sure they don't realize it, are being totally creepy. Okay---I am being NICE when I say that they don't realize it. They probably DO REALIZE it and they don't care! People that say things like "Children Don't HAVE Boundaries" make me break into hives.
I question whether or not you have explored all the "issues" that you have with your dad, if he comes up and GRABS YOU and you don't feel comfortable----and you're a grown man. Think of how bad it makes your little girl feel!
Get a backbone for God's sakes! If it creeps you out-----it has to really upset your daughter! I understand you don't want to create conflict but the creepy parents you have are acting like bullies-----and bullies respond ONLY to force. I understand that things change with generations but they don't respect you or your family. Protect your daughter.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
If Shopping is a Disease, I'm Terminal.
When Lucille Schenk finally sought help for compulsively buying jewelry, New York psychologist April Lane Benson advised her to have a "conversation" with the jewelry before she made her next purchase, as a way to put some distance between herself and her compulsion. "I would say, ‘You are so beautiful, I can’t live without you; I love the way you sparkle,’" recalled Schenk, 62, in an interview. "The jewelry would say back, ‘You need me. You look pretty when you wear me.’ I would say, ‘I do need you. I can’t possibly think of being without you. But something has to change. I need to stop this. I can’t afford a penny more.’"
There is really nothing to say in response, is there? I have an idea for Ms. Schenk. Next time she has an urge to purchase jewelry, she could just pay ME the money and I COULD TALK TO HER (instead of the jewelry).
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
White Trash Mom Flunks Out
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
House of Appliance Hell
In a few shy of 20 years of marriage (child bride), we have managed to blow through:
- 4 Coffee Makers
- 4 Toasters (and none of them really worth a damn, including the current model)
- 4 mini vac's (and that's saying something since we've had outside help with our cleaning for the last 14 years...)
- 4 Electric mixers
- 4 can openers
- 4 microwaves (one actually CAUGHT ON FIRE - that was our signal it needed to be replaced!)
- 3 Dishwashers (one actually CAUGHT ON FIRE - no that's not a misprint - it, too, caught on fire - different house - different occasion - sparks flying out of dishwasher)
- 3 Irons
- 3 Waffle Irons
- 2 Griddles
- Oh! And we can't forget the untold numbers of cordless phones. OMG! I'd be willing to wager that we've gone through a minimum of 14 cordless phones. That's almost one per year. Unbelievable. I continually find myself saying, "I'm sorry, could you hang on while I switch to a different cordless? This is the old one we bought three months ago, and it is just shot." Which is met with, "Oh, yeah, I was going to say: You sound like you're in a can... You keep cutting in and out... Are you calling from the UK? Are you on your cell? You sound like you're in a tunnel...in a vacuum...in a box." You get the picture. Very pleasant. And this on a 3 month old phone.
Generally speaking, we buy name brands, and most of the time, I even do a little research before we buy. After all, when you live in the HAH!, you can never be too cautious. But it doesn't seem to matter. Everything breaks.
There is one exception. Old Faithful. Our washer. From 1892. Uh huh. 1892. It came with our first house. The seller was marrying a sugar daddy, and he already had the best of everything, so she no longer needed her top drawer 1892 Roper. Yep. Roper. Ever heard of it? We hadn't either. We figured it probably wouldn't even make it when we moved it to our second house, but lo and behold, we hooked Old Faithful up, and she started going - full blast. It wasn't until she got to the spin cycle that we noticed something was a little off. Well, that might be a bit of understatement. Let's see. How shall I describe it?
Think back to your days of the pre-college exam. ACT...SAT. Now, remember on the SAT - the verbal section? Come on, dig back. You can do it. Exercise that old gray matter! OK, are you with me? S-T-R-E-T-C-H! OK, Verbal section - Analogies. I know, college was a long time ago. But this is fun, right?! Here we go...
Rock concert is to World War III as Tacky Princess's washer is to a Boeing 737 taking off
Have you wrapped your brain around that one? Are you getting the mental picture? Since we moved over 10 years ago, our washer has sounded like a Boeing 737 taking off outside of our kitchen (where the laundry room is). Now, I'm all for having the laundry on the first floor, but if you heard this washer...
If someone happens to be doing laundry when we have guests over, and the spin cycle comes on...OMG! The alarmed look that comes across their faces. You can tell they are sure that we are under terrorist attack. All conversation must cease. The floor / furniture / windows shake. The CD that's turning might even skip. When the cycle is over, we calmly explain the situation. Our guests give us that "you poor saps" look and politely excuse themselves. Why, you might ask, don't we replace it? Well, it WORKS fine. It's just noisy (and annoying) as hell. There are other ailing appliances in the HAH! that demand our immediate attention (and monies...). So, how can we justify $600 or $800 for another new one unnecessarily?
And when my Big Strong Man is out of town...well...let's just say, it can keep a girl company, if you know what I mean. HA!