Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Watching a Muffy on the Brink

I am a room parent.
I am only a room parent for my daughter's school because they were totally desperate. However, at our school the room parent gig is a fairly easy one. The return on investment of time for being a room parent (okay, let's just call a spade a spade---a room MOM) is quite high. At the school where I am a room mom, it basically signs you up for a few holiday parties and then you are free the rest of the year.
This year, my room parenting duties are with another WT Mom, as well as a "newbie" to the Room Mom gig. She is a very nice and young mom with several small kids. She is...as we say...a mom on the brink. She could go either way----to the dark side of the Muffia or to the light of the WT Mom philosophy.
When we saw the assignment sheet for Room Moms this year, the other veteran & WT Mom asked me about her. "Do you think we can turn her?" asked Wise WT MOM/ROOM MOM. "Only time will tell," I answered gravely. "The first test will be...the craft issue." Now, don't get me wrong about crafts. I actually LIKE doing crafts with my kids. I especially like doing craft things with my kids if I want to talk long distance with a friend or do anything for myself, by myself for more than 15 minutes. Crafts are an excellent way to keep children in one place for more than 5 seconds and keep the horrible mess contained to one area of your home or yard. Anyway----the point is, crafts are good at HOME. BUT crafts during a holiday party at school...that is another story.
Crafts at a holiday party at an elementary school are fine... if you have a bomb shelter in which to do the craft in or if you cover the children from head to toe with plastic trash bags. But to put any kind of glue or paint in the hands of 25 Second Graders who just ate chocolate cupcakes...that is INSANITY. As the Halloween school party approached, the two veterans (myself and other WT Mom) tried every way we knew how to talk the "Newbie" mom out of the craft thing during the Halloween party, to no avail. Newbie mom thought it would be "fun" and it was "easy". So the day of the Halloween party came. I brought several trash bags, extra wipes and paper towels for back-up. The other WT Room Mom brought some Xanax left over from a root canal, in case things got really bad and we had to use sedation. Well, WT Moms...THEY ATE HER ALIVE. Twenty-five little demons, high on sugar, tore into her as soon as she started to "show" the craft and what it was supposed to look like. The scene was so ugly but we stood by on the sidelines, watching it all in horror (and a little bit of snarky laughter). "Shouldn't we help her?" I asked, not moving. "If we help her now, she will never learn. This lesson could help her from turning to the dark side," said my wise WT friend. She finally gave up after about 20 minutes. She left right after that, saying she thought her child was feeling sick and she needed to take him home. We nodded silently, acting as though we believed her story. Will she turn to the dark side or embrace the light? WT Moms, we will keep you posted after the next Holiday party.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

isn't it fun to watch the new moms? i learned real quick as room mom to bring "paper products" and assign everything else. and at school carnivals, you'll notice only newbies at the cotton candy machines and shaved ice stands- days later their hands are still stained and sugar coated. yep, put me down for "paper products" every time!

11/02/2005 5:11 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Belle said...

Awesome post! I LOVE it!! You and I would be standing in the corner observing together.

11/02/2005 6:23 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I'm learning alot here. I've only got one child and he's three. So I'm making alot of mental notes when it comes to this "room mom" stuff. You are wise women!

I was hoping the post would be about a Muffy who is driven by the children over the brink of insanity. And the other moms would get to see how imperfect she was. If you ever have a story like that, pretty, pretty please tell! But that story was pretty entertaining too.

And thanks for the compliment on my blog! You MADE MY DAY. Especially since my child decided to wake up today and turn into an anti-christ.

If you hear about a woman who left a cute little boy on the side of a major interstate in St. Louis, on the news tonight, you'll know that woman was me.

God I need a drink!

11/02/2005 9:36 AM  
Anonymous lilmiscantberong said...

That is sweet! I laughed out loud mostly because my daughter is in her last year of elementary and I am almost done with this. I still enjoy watching the muffy's try so hard.

But the most enjoyment I get is when I now see the same muffy's who used to laugh at me ten years ago for wearing sweats and messy hair in public when my kids were small, (you biatches know who you are) who have now reproduced satan spawn and are tromping through the grocery store dragging their brood looking like they haven't seen a shower or decent nights sleep in a week... Greatest satisfaction ever.

on a side note, your blog rocks!

11/02/2005 11:26 AM  
Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hee-hee. I only have one child and the muffia still hate me (I can't help it, I was just drawn this way!) If she doesn't go over to the WT side, then she only gits what she deserves. Cosmic retribution and all that.

11/02/2005 12:49 PM  
Blogger Rua said...

I Love It! I've been in the same position you and WT Vet. Mom were
as I watched 'new mom' bring forth sparkles, sequins, marshmallows and TUBS of glue in which to DIP said items in to make their craft. Yes all this after 4 L of Cola, & chocolate cake had been eaten. (Food teachers idea..NOT mine.)
Total $ = Priceless

11/02/2005 1:54 PM  
Blogger tacky princess said...

Queen, you are right on, sister! Very clever and very true. I'll bet you can still see the petrified expression on Muffy's face 20 years from now when our kids are all adults (Muffy's kid will be pumping your kid's gas...). And you will think, "Ah, to be young again, with the fun of Hell-o-Ween!" HA!

Promise to be back soon with another entry from Tacky Princess!

11/02/2005 2:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found your blog via gofugyourself.com and I cannot tell you how relieved I am to have found it. I'm a new mom of a 1 year-old and I've been living in muffy hell (I'm pretty sure my whole town consists of Muffys) and thinking there was something wrong with me and hiding in my house. THANK YOU.

11/02/2005 5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

amen, sister. down with the muffia. it's much more fun to stand back, watch, and laugh. I tried the room-mom thing and was quickly put in my place by the 'veteran' room-mom at the first party of the year - Halloween. she rejected my activity offering (that SHE had asked me to bring...'oh, that will take tooo long, but thank you soooo much, I appreciate your efforts'...) and instead pulled out 24 perfectly organized little craft projects with each kid's name on it that she had put together in her spare time. whatever. I have to say, when I handed out the wax fang-lips that I brought, the kids looked MUCH more excited than they did about her craft.

11/02/2005 5:20 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Holy freakin' crap that's funny. I needed a laugh today!!!

11/03/2005 5:41 AM  
Blogger Penny said...

ROFL! I used to lunch aide at a school down the road.. way before I ever had a child.. because I thought kids were so dang cute. I did it for two years and it was awesome.. but you sure learn a lot about organization, sugar, holidays, cliques, intramurals and pre-pubescent male posturing and the dreaded indoor-craft days during -35 weather.

This was a great post! I would love to read more about the adventures of the room-moms!

Just surfin' by.. will probably be back.

11/03/2005 8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog reminded me of my daughter's preschool Christmas party when she was two. One of the moms thought it would be a great idea for the kids to do a craft that included a hot glue gun. When she showed up at the party with glue gun in tow the WT moms just looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Two years olds and a hot glue gun??? Needless to say, two other moms and myself set up an assembly line and did the crafts ourselves AWAY from the kids. It took the entire party just to glue the friggin' cradles with baby Jesus together (and I will probably burn in hell for that remark). She has since seen the error of her way and is a dedicated WT mom now.

11/03/2005 7:29 PM  
Blogger momazon said...

As a reformed Muffia, I salute you.

My DH just begged me not to cut my hair into a bob, and to continue wearing my "quirky, yet edgy" wardrobe that goes unappreciated here in Big Money Country.

11/04/2005 11:21 AM  
Blogger Cannotblend said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/14/2005 12:48 PM  

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