Tuesday, September 27, 2005

How to Make A Store Bought Home Made Cake

This post is in response to one of my beloved bloggers who recently had one of the "muffies" showcase a home-made and quite FANCY cake. Our WT gal wanted to resort to violence after being the subjected to the muffy mother bragging about the home baked cake for some kid event. I was glad to know that our WT sister did NOT resort to violence regarding the "treat" issue but wanted to let her know the BEST way to really drive the perfect mothers CRAZY is to have EQUALLY as HOME MADE good treats for the school events! HOWEVER, being a WT MOM, you do NOT bake the cake...you buy it at the store and then decorate it, put it on a platter. See directions below for the WT MOM's method of baking a cake for the school/kid function. Remember, to the muffy girls of the world, fancy home-baked treats are just another contest and a way to show superior skills. Step One: Of course, you forgot that you were supposed to bring a treat/a birthday cake to your child's class or activity. You remember at the last minute OR one of your WT Mom friends calls to remind you. You RACE to the store at the last minute. Step Two: You buy a PLAIN white store bought cake. You can usually buy them right outta the baked goods area or if beg the people behind the counter to give you one. I have found that crying is often helpful. Step Three: You then go to whatever aisle the cake decorating stuff is in. You purchase the coolest stuff you can find for the top of the cake AND you get that frosting in a can that you can decorate with. Or, you can get fruit, candy or some other kind of topping to put on the cake. Step Four: Go home and dump cake out of the store pan. Put cake on the $9.99 cake serving dish, like the one that I have linked to above at target.com. If you are not a veteran of the "muffy wars" and you do not have your own personal cake serving dish----go buy BEFORE you need one. Trust me, it will come back to you ten-fold. Anyway----put the cake on the cake serving dish and decorate it with items you purchased at the store. Step Five: Take cake to school and swear that it is a home-made little recipe that you got from great auntie. NEVER admit that the cake is store bought. No matter how much pressure the muffies apply, do not crack. FYI-If you have loaned out the cake serving dish to another WTMom, follow step 4 but replace the cake serving dish with a disposable type of serving dish, purchased at the store along with other "ingredients". Tell the MUFFS that you brought a disposable dish because it's "less trouble for everybody". Like you are doing someone a favor. BUT BE WARNED----under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you use the store bought container. The above cake recipe works. I have done it zillions of times over my mom career. Next recipe session will deal with how to make store purchased brownies look and taste like home-made. ONE MORE THING: Big disclaimer on one point. I do have friends that are NOT muffys and are excellent cooks. They love to bake and are damn good at it. I just wanted to make sure that all those baking moms out there don't think I am bagging on them. I only bag on the evil muffy moms. It is my purpose in life.


Anonymous Amy said...

That's funny since at our school homemade treats are not allowed. I make them at home, then put them in a store container to send them to school. Oh and Muffy I am not.

9/27/2005 9:15 PM  
Blogger Laura K. said...


I was already thinking like.. hmmm.. I can make nice homemade baked goods but I'm not a muffy!

9/28/2005 12:42 AM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

What do you do when one of them (a dentist's wife Muffy)actually pushes you out of the way to get by you in a Kindergarten class? Not even a little "Excuse me" to be heard.....

9/28/2005 10:16 AM  
Blogger Corrine said...

I'm glad other mothers admitted to baking at home. I love, love, love Betty Crocker cake mixes. BUT, since they're in a box, not a family recipe, I say my WT status is safe. Plus, with my horrible decorating skills, people usually avoid my food so I get to take it home and eat it myself...it's a win-win situation really.

9/28/2005 10:41 AM  
Blogger Cinnamon said...

Bless your heart. I got straight A's in culinary school, in a program designed by a French Master Chef. I graduated with honors. I had my own catering company before being a mom.

I have done the Store Bought cake trick. More than once.

I give my blessing and seal of approval. Support a cook. Buy a friggin' cake.

9/28/2005 10:58 AM  
Anonymous Nilla said...

Hey Veronica... trip her.

hahahahahaha.... I would!!


9/28/2005 11:00 AM  
Anonymous Kimmie said...

That particular cake stand is also multipurpose. Flip the bottom over and flip the cover over and put it in the bottom and tada you've got a bowl. Crumble up that store bought cake and layer with pudding and cool whip. WT trifle!

9/28/2005 9:17 PM  
Anonymous Sue said...

I have a friend who is a former member of the muffia. She admitted to pulling the 'fake bake' on many a muffia occasion. She let loose with an'Alabama holler' (?!) at a game one day and we knew she wasn't real muffia. She returned to her white trash roots a year ago. I did not realize there was such an art to the deception. Thank you for the tips!

9/29/2005 4:14 AM  
Anonymous Tennille said...

I also hate the goodie bag thing at birthday parties. You could spend more on the goodie bags than on your own child's birthday presents. At each birthday party we attend, the goodie bags bet bigger and more elaborate. Why? When I was a kid, the birthday girl/boy got all the presents no matter how much tantrum throwing ensued and all you got was cake and ice cream. Goodie bags are just another Muffy way of outdoing each other. Grrr.

9/29/2005 6:24 AM  
Blogger krysten said...

whew! i was glad to see the disclaimer at the bottom! i began to wonder if maybe i wasnt a muffy mom as i read the post...although i do use the cake mix from a box, but just decorate it myself. but i usually try to make everything else myself (depending on the event, if its for a really good friend i pull out all the stops, if its for just a group of people getting together, i'm all about store-bought).

and about the grab bags, i could see how it could get to be a competition, but i'm planning on doing them for my two year olds party next month, and i cant say i spent more than a few bucks each on them and they'll end up being really fun. the purpose, of course, has NOTHING to do with making the other kids feel like they get something too, it's just that i want to keep all those kids busy so they dont get into everything else in the house! keep them occupied! give them a bag of kazoos and bubbles and balls and let them run around outside!! that's definitely worth a few bucks. ;-)

9/29/2005 10:09 AM  
Blogger momazon said...

Isn't it not so much that they made it from scratch (or that YOU did) or that you forgot 'till last minute and someone in the Muffia SAYS something about it... but about do what you CAN and don't go braggin', "Martha Wannabee"!!!

That's the way they Muffia really puts the screws to you... if you're not THEM, whatever you do's not enough!

And D@MN, I hate those goodie bags.

9/29/2005 4:28 PM  
Blogger krysten said...

wouldn't it be more WT to NOT try to disguise the storebought item? seems like disguising it is trying to "fit in" with the muffia, not trying to overthrow it...

it would be better to just show up with the cake in the box and be like "what of it?!", haha!

9/30/2005 7:30 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I think the difference between a "muffy" and someone who just loves to bake is the attitude. The bragging that the Queen has talked about. I *love* to cook and bake, and bake all our own bread. But I don't act like I'm better than anyone else because of it! It just happens to be what I'm good at. Everyone's good at something....

As for goody bags--my pet peeve is bags that cost a lot to give out but contain only worthless junk! Just a bottle of bubbles for the younger set would be fine. For my daughter's 11th birthday party, we had a "World Party" where we beautified the park across the street by weeding a planter and planting seeds in it, collecting trash and making art out of the better junk we found, and then we gave out small potted herbs and other plants. It was a hit. The plants only cost a couple bucks each, and it was something that was useful. You don't have to spend a bunch of money to have a fun party.

9/30/2005 8:57 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

You can apply the same principle to pot luck dinners too. People think I make really good chicken fried rice. I pick it up on my way home from work, dump it into a pretty little pyrex casserole (got for $.25 at a tag sale) and bring "my specialty" with a very modest expression. I've fooled 'em for years :->.

10/02/2005 6:23 AM  
Blogger Peggy said...

Have you seen "Calendar Girls"? There's a scene in which Helen Mirren passes off a Marks & Spencer cake as homemade -- and wins first prize at the county fair, pissing off the local Muffia.

10/02/2005 4:26 PM  
Blogger momazon said...

... why not a good old fashioned DUMP cake?!!! Pure white trash, and absolutely guarranteed to be wolfed down by everyone brave enough to try it!!! Muffia children will beg their Muffia mommies, "PLEASE, mommy!!! She said it was just fruit cocktail with white cake mix dumped on top with a couple pats of butter on top... it was soooo goood... please, not the homemade Fig Tart Rustica again!!!!! WAH!!!!"


10/07/2005 4:51 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

OK...I'll admit that I just found your great site. I don't really consider myself a WT or a Muffy. However the answer to the cake dilema (no, I can't spell) is .....Ask Hubby To Do It! Mine just impressed ALL of my co-workers with a pineapple upside down cake.....AND a classic Lions football card to boot!

10/15/2005 12:27 PM  

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