Friday, September 09, 2005

Things to Say to Muffy at the Soccer Game

The first soccer game weekend is upon us. Not only do I have to see "the muffia" at school, I now have to see them for hours on Saturday. I was thinking of ways to fend off a possible "muffia" attack while attempting to watch the kiddos soccer game and I came up with the following things to say to Muffy Perfect Mom and her gestapo on the sidelines. Let me know, WT Moms, if you have any other good responses.
Muffy, have you LOST weight? OMYGOSH, we have a potholder at home that looks just like your sweater. L-O-V-E the shoes! I saw those at Target last week and almost bought them.
These questions and comments are part of an overall defensive strategy. If you fire the first shot, usually the "muffia" will leave you alone and go bully someone else. WARNING: You MUST say all of these comments with a big smile on your face and look the evil mom right in the eye! If the "muffia" think you are actually being mean and defying their authority as masters of the mom universe, your child will suffer the consequences. So, PLEASE people, do not use this tool unless you can pull it off! An experienced veteran of the "SOCCER FIELD MOM WARS" like me can do it----but don't pull this out until you are ready. Sorry to be harsh but I have seen too many WT and NON-WT moms try to fight the muffia battlions with tools that are not powerful enough. Know this----Muffy and her pals have been evil since childhood. So even if I sound harsh, don't try this at home if you are not ready. End of sermon and on to the WEEKEND...isn't it relaxing?


Blogger Mary said...

I love the shoes comment! Someone I know works at a "high end" boutique (at least for this area) and commented something VERY similar to that. The girl got pretty pissed and embarrassed about having Target shoes.

Who the F* cares? LOL... but she did and it was probably fun to embarrass her!

9/09/2005 9:03 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Like the shoes comment as well. My boss has a great 'lost weight' comback - something like 'well, I know who found it'

9/09/2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger Cow said...

OMG... LOL... Your "muffia" posts are always so true!... You're a voice of sanity, and I'm so glad I found your blog!

9/09/2005 5:40 PM  
Anonymous Nilla said...

yup, I hate them myself-- their kids are all spiffy and the little girls have bows in their hair and Muffy Mom is wearing cullottes with pretty sandals showing off her pedicure.

I just wanna slap them. Snarky thing to say? Ummm... Oh isn't that shirt cute on your daughter? My sister-in-law made one just like it for her kid!

9/09/2005 7:21 PM  
Anonymous susan said...

This is too funny. Especially the shoes commnet. My kids don't play soccer but they do play tennis and the muffia is all over that sport. Some of them even wear their tennis outfits to the kids matches for crying out loud. My daughter's team wears adidas type shorts and shirts rather than tennis skirts and dresses. They refer to the spiffy muffia daughter's as 'the skirts' (usually with matching hair accesories) and get great pleasure out of beating them or at least making them earn the win.

9/10/2005 8:23 AM  
Blogger queen of wt said...

After two games today, thought of a few more comments (again, don't try this at home unless ready):

Did you do something to your hair? It looks (lighter, darker, red)? That brassy kind of tone is very RETRO.

OH! Are those the shoes I heard about at the DOLLAR STORE? You must be a great shopper.

Muffy, I know you MUST be worried about muffy junior's over-bite but DON'T. My sister's little girl had the same problem and plastic surgery was able to correct it, just fine. After 3 operations. (kind of harsh to bring in the kid but you gotta fight fire with fire).

9/10/2005 9:30 PM  
Blogger Busy Mom said...

omg, I am laughing so hard here... perhpas we go to the same soccer field?

9/12/2005 12:11 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

OMG this weekend at the game I was talking to another non-Muffia mom and she was like "I can't believe so-and-so and how she has perfect makeup at 8:00 etc" I was SO happy to know I'm not the only person like this. Of course we had to be quiet as there were Muffia-Spies nearby.

9/13/2005 1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your journal is sooooo funny.
am not a mom, but definitely know muffies-in-training.
My sister in law made a comment about " oh why arent you working harder on your degree?, youll never have what i have at this rate." i replied with "arent you like 45 (she's 32 ;)), hell i ve got 20 years to get a ph.d. but if you mean a loveless marriage and living vicariously thru my child, then no, i wont." caused quite the stir at the in laws.

9/15/2005 8:40 PM  
Blogger Kerri said...

Try this one out!

"Oh, wow, have you lost weight? Turn around and show me!" as she turns to the back you continue... "Oh, no, there it is!"

2/06/2008 2:10 AM  

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