Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Perfect Mother (by Erma Bombeck)

Dear WTMoms, Please read this awesome entry below. It was written by ERMA BOMBECK from her book "Motherhood--The Second Oldest Profession". I love this book and this very short little ditty. I keep it up on my bulletin board in my home office so that every time I feel bad that my house is not spotless or my kids are eating mac & cheese again----that being a PERFECT mother is not the point. Take 30 seconds to read this and remember it next time the "muffys" get you down. The Perfect Mother “ by Erma Bombeck Everyone said Sharon was a terrific mother. Her neighbors said it. Sharon painted the inside of her garbage cans with enamel, grew her own vegetables, cut her own grass every week, made winter coats for the entire family from remnants, donated blood and baked Barbara Mandrell a doll cake for her birthday. Her mother said it. Sharon drove her to the doctor’s when she had an appointment, color-coordinated the children’s clothes and put them in labeled drawers, laundered aluminum foil and used it again, planned family reunions, wrote her Congressman, cut everyone’s hair and knew her health insurance policy number by heart. Her children’s teacher said it. She helped her children every night with their homework, delivered her son’s paper route when it rained, packed nutritious lunches with little raised faces on the sandwiches, was homeroom mother, belonged to five car pools and once blew up 234 balloons by herself for the seventh grade cotillion. Her husband said it. Sharon washed the car when it rained, saved antifreeze from year to year, paid all the bills, arranged their social schedule, sprayed the garden for bugs, moved the hose during the summer, put the children on their backs at night to make sure they didn’t sleep on their faces, and once found a twelve-dollar error on a tax return filed by H & R Block. Her best friend said it. Sharon build a bed out of scraps left over from the patio, crocheted a Santa Claus to cover the extra roll of toilet paper at Christmastime, washed fruit before her children ate it, learned to play the harpsichord, kept a Boston fern alive for a whole year, and when the group ate lunch out, Sharon always figured out who owed what. Her minister said it. Sharon found time to read all the dirty books and campaign against them. She played guitar at evening services. She corresponded with a poor family in Guatemala…in SPANISH. She put together a cookbook to raise funds for a new coffee maker for the church. She collected door to door for all the health organizations. Sharon was one of those women blessed with a knack for being organized. She planned a “theme party” for the dog’s birthday, made her children elaborate Halloween costumes out of old grocery bags and her knots came out just right on the shoelaces when they broke. She put a basketball hoop over the clothes hanger as an incentive for good habits, started seedlings in a toilet paper spindle, and insulated their house with empty egg cartons, which everyone else threw away. Sharon kept a schedule that would have brought any other women to her knees. Need twenty-five women to chaperone a party? Give the list to Sharon. Need a mother to convert the school library to the Dewey Decimal System? Call Sharon. Need someone to organize a block party, garage sale or a school festival? Get Sharon. Sharon was a SUPER MOM! Her gynecologist said it. Her butcher said it. Her tennis partner said it. Her children… Her children never said it. They spent a lot of time with Rick’s mother, who was always home with them and who ate cookies out of a box and played poker with them.

17 Comments:

Blogger Margo D said...

Thank you thank you for making my Monday! I've been an Erma fan for years (I used to request her books for Christmas when I was a pre-teen).

I've run into a whole lot of Muffys in the recent past...and I always try to telepathically send evil rays into their brains. It never works though. They just keep on going, with their matching shoes and handbag. I have two teens, and I'm lucky if I can match my pajama tops and bottoms.

9/26/2005 6:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Love this!!! Thank you!

9/26/2005 8:58 AM  
Blogger queen of wt said...

rI am glad that you liked the post with Erma Bombeck's view of "The Perfect Mother". Please pass along to your buddies! It is a very inspirational little bit of writing and always makes me "cackle". As for sending evil rays
(telepathically) to the muffys, it never works BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE BRAINS. Their brains have been replaced by a self-grooming device, making them part human and part robot. Of course, this is just my theory...let me know you all what you think......

9/26/2005 9:36 AM  
Blogger Laura K. said...

I believe you meant to say MUFFIES. That would be the proper way to write that. ;)

9/26/2005 11:50 AM  
Anonymous Xamzil said...

I just stumbled upon your blog today and wanted to say...

MY PEOPLE! I'VE FOUND MY PEOPLE!!

9/26/2005 1:22 PM  
Anonymous Tennille said...

Love your blog. Thank you for your realistic perspective and your great sense of humor. I'm so glad that there are other like-minded gals out there! Hurray! I'm not alone!

9/26/2005 5:24 PM  
Anonymous Nilla said...

To Margo_d: You have pajamas? And they match?

And Laura: my mother tries really really hard to be a Muffy and makes cute English grammar corrections like that.... so, a bunch of octopus- is it octopi? Or octopusses?

And my own comment: I looooove you Queen- and Erma Bombeck should be raised to Saint status. I'm off to make a true WTM dinner- boiled pinto beans with $1 spaghetti sauce and a burger patty ground up to be meatballs.... looks gross, grosser if you know what it is, but tastes really great and the two year old gets to practice his "stuffing bean up nostril" trick!

9/26/2005 5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you!!! When my neighbor showed me the "Camp" cake she made for her son complete with blue frosting for the creek, green for the grass and cookies shaped like trees, I had the enormous urge to hurl it to the floor and piss all over it. After all, I bought mine at Kroger! This was the same woman who chastised me for putting my child in daycare..."I won't let the government raise MY kids..." she said. Sorry. Need to work. Need to be able to make my house payment! Know thy enemy! It's name is MUFFY!

9/27/2005 7:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sometimes cofused with a muffia mom because of the car I drive and the way I have to dress for work. If people only knew the lengths my friends and family have went to, to help my white trash attitude. I love the look on the faces of the muffias when I say something inappropriate or smoke at the ball game. I used to dip and that was always a shocker.

I live to make them uncomfortable and hope that my kids will eventually appreciate my white trash ideas and behavior. Don't get me wrong I do try to fit in for the kids sake, but sometimes you just gotta shake up the system.

9/27/2005 7:23 AM  
Anonymous jaqz said...

i just sent this along to MY mom, whose at work right now.
my mom is a total rick's mom, and believe me...SHE"S a super mom. i sent her the link to your site as well, i'm sure she'll dig it somethin fierce.
good stuff ladies.

9/27/2005 10:41 AM  
Blogger Bitchet said...

The Muff's at my daughters school who stand in the road and direct traffic (as if we didn't know where to go to pick up our kids) gave me the dirtiest look yesterday when i was stopped in this long line of mom's picking up their kids and i told my four year old to get out and go get her sister. She did and then i had to turn around and create a deversion from the norm that the muff's are used to. They hated me. And i loved it. Especially since i am driving my husbands jeep that is raised with huge tires and flames on the side. WHITE TRASH RULES!

9/27/2005 11:17 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I love this - thanks so much for posting it!

I just stumbled upon your blog today; it's great! :-)

9/27/2005 12:16 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I was waiting for Sharon to crack up and be carted off to an assylum or get busted for doing meth.

I grew up with the Muffia... Went to a Catholic school and the girls in my junior high class made the girls in that Mean Girls movie look sweet and cuddly.

I now live in a very affluent suburb and honestly the muffias don't bother me. As I was "baptized by mean girl fire!"

9/27/2005 1:19 PM  
Blogger Cow said...

Thank You for this post!... I've shared it with all my co-workers... I love Erma, may she rest in peace... My favorite quote of hers: "My theory on housework is, If the thing doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be."

9/28/2005 3:05 PM  
Anonymous nelsokr said...

Thank you! You made my night.

9/29/2005 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Katy said...

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." ~Phyllis Diller''

Thats my philosphy!

Loved this!

9/30/2005 11:28 AM  
Blogger ader45 said...

awesome share :-)

My latest article on Cameron Highland Apartment can be found here..

3/15/2012 1:32 AM  

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