Sunday, October 02, 2005

Am I Muffia if I BAKE or GROOM?

I had two of my very best and very NON-MUFFIA friends ask me this week if they were "muffia". So I thought I better clarify the term a bit. Question One: If I Am Well-Groomed and Stylish, Does That Make Me A MUFFY? NO! Being well-groomed or wearing nicer clothes certainly does not make you a member of the dark side. One of my best friends in whole world is extremely fashionable and always looks pretty fabulous. However, I have known the woman since second grade and she was ALWAYS like this. It's hard wired into her DNA. Being dressed nice does not make you a muffy. What makes you a member of the "muffia" is if you are NOT naturally a snappy dresser but you do so to IMPRESS the other MOMS. Or if the only reason you groom is because you want to be friends with a certain group of people. Grooming does not make you EVIL. Judging other moms by the way they look or dress is the evil part. My pal that was born a snappy dresser would walk through fire for me or really ANYONE that needed it. She would just do it looking great. Question Two: If I Like to Bake or Cook, Am I A MUFFY? No Virginia. Baking or Cooking does not make you a MUFFY. Using Baking or Cooking as a way to impress other moms or to make other women feel bad is what makes you a member of the MUFFIA. One of my best friends in the world is a WONDERFUL cook. She can whip up a plate of cookies that taste like heaven in a blink of an eye. She loves to do. She always has loved to do. SHE IS NOT CHANGING WHO SHE IS TO IMPRESS ANYONE. I cannot boil water but she thinks I can do a host of other stuff that is awesome. She does not judge people by their ability to whip up a meal or make a cake. You are a muffy if you judge others by their ability to bake or cook. You are a muffy if you look down on moms that order take-out more than cook at home. You are a muffy if you talk about how superior you are by cooking/baking at home. Bottom Line: Being a "muffia" has far less to do with the outside things like how you look or how you cook. It has to do with the inside stuff like being MEAN to other mothers. Being a muffy is being mean and not being REAL. It's about keeping up a totally bogus and stupid standard of PERFECTION that is unrealistic. It is about not supporting your fellow MOM and being a snob. Hope I have made it a little more clear. Please note that I did not think up the name "muffia" but that it comes from the excellent book, "I Don't Know How She Does It" by Allison Pearson. I keep mentioning this because I just want to give credit where it is due.


Blogger Jackie said...

Love the blog.
I have featured you in my latest post.
Keep on keepin' on.
I bet you and my mom would get along great.

10/02/2005 9:04 PM  
Blogger kari said...

I despise this type of woman. I will NEVER be a Muffy!

10/03/2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

For all the non-muffia out there, I've found a website that might help. I'm just getting started, but this site takes a very realistic approach to home organization. And no, they have no idea that I'm doing this, I just thought your readers might benefit by a link to

10/03/2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Is Lindsey insinuating that we are unhappy with our non-Muffia status?

10/04/2005 1:19 PM  
Blogger Noir Moderne said...

Though I will never be a mom - last time I checked I didn't have the parts - I am preparing my ammo for when other gay Daddies - and no not that kind - try to tell me how they're playing Bach to their children on the piano.

your blog is weekly stop on Mondays. <3

10/05/2005 9:09 AM  
Blogger Us said...

Amen sister, I've found my niche!! I always thought those women were called "Molly Mormons" (they are in my world)but now I know their scientific classificaion. Those women who are always willing to tell you how easy it is to look perfectly put together and how you'd do it too if you had any repect for yourself(this is called a signature style lady)....Or that you have to have a perfectly balanced meal for your kids at every meal (hey, mac and cheese IS balanced)....Or those ones that try to tell you that cleaning is fun(ummmmm, sure).
I'm telling everyone I know about your site!! Loves it!!! So happy I found you!

10/05/2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

I'm so happy not being a muffy!

And as an alternative to flylady (eeek) you could always check out

it's saved my sanity on more than one occasion

10/05/2005 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Jillio said...

Let me ask... is this considered muffia?

There's a woman who takes her child to the same daycare my 10 month old goes to. She insists that the teachers change her infant daughter into pajamas for every nap and then back into her outfit for play time. And if they put her in the exersaucer or any other type of toy like that, they have to put shoes on her so her feet don't touch the ground. Is it me or is that overboard!??!?!

10/05/2005 11:55 AM  
Blogger Kristy said...

Hi! I love that book "I Don't Know How She Does It". The message is good, though it has been hailed as a knock on feminism -- I don't see it.

10/05/2005 12:01 PM  
Anonymous punki said...


I used to work at a day care center and there is NO WAY any of the teachers in the infant room would put up those kind of instructions! that's absolutely ridiculous and that poor kid is probably going to get the sh*t kicked out of him/her once they get to school.

As far as Muffia... i would say probably, but the fact that the child is even IN daycare is very surprising.

10/05/2005 3:02 PM  
Anonymous Sue said...

Goody bags make me crazy too. I also cannot stand little toys and junk given out in place of halloween candy. I want consumables, you know, just eat it and be done with it, not bits of cheap plastic and junk that gets broken, lost and finally chucked in the trash bin.
On another note... have any of you read 'We're Just Like You. Only Prettier'? The aithor is truly a member of the White Trash royalty

10/07/2005 5:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUDE! Thank you .. thank you for your site! I hate the MUFFIA I used to just call them supermom but now I know! I dont think I brushed my hair this morning before work. Anyway I secretly want to be a MUFFIA I think but then again when I when bring home a snack size bag of cheetos and my 5 year old tells me I am the BEST MOM EBER!! well no MUFFIA moms gonna get that when she brings home a bag of organic sugar free taste free trail mix!

10/07/2005 7:05 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Thanks for clearing that stuff up. I was starting to wonder if I was a Muffy because I wear nice clothes and put on makeup. But where I live you have to, as it is an affluent town and if you don't, people aren't very nice.

I grew up with a few really mean girls who are now probably muffy's. Although I hope karma caught up to them and they have hubby's that beat them and children who hate them. (I'm not holding onto my hurt feeling from the past. No! heehee.)

Jr. Muffy's made grade school hell for me. Luckily I went to the public high school instead of the private one they went to so I never had to see them. And the friends I made in high school are sweet, down-to-earth women who grew up having to work after school jobs, didn't have loads of expensive clothes and worked their way through college, like me.

I'm guessing they are like a pack of dogs. If you get one by herself, she's probably not so bad. But she gets bolder with a crowd of other muffy's.

10/26/2005 9:09 AM  

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