Am I Muffia if I BAKE or GROOM?
I had two of my very best and very NON-MUFFIA friends ask me this week if they were "muffia". So I thought I better clarify the term a bit. Question One: If I Am Well-Groomed and Stylish, Does That Make Me A MUFFY? NO! Being well-groomed or wearing nicer clothes certainly does not make you a member of the dark side. One of my best friends in whole world is extremely fashionable and always looks pretty fabulous. However, I have known the woman since second grade and she was ALWAYS like this. It's hard wired into her DNA. Being dressed nice does not make you a muffy. What makes you a member of the "muffia" is if you are NOT naturally a snappy dresser but you do so to IMPRESS the other MOMS. Or if the only reason you groom is because you want to be friends with a certain group of people. Grooming does not make you EVIL. Judging other moms by the way they look or dress is the evil part. My pal that was born a snappy dresser would walk through fire for me or really ANYONE that needed it. She would just do it looking great. Question Two: If I Like to Bake or Cook, Am I A MUFFY? No Virginia. Baking or Cooking does not make you a MUFFY. Using Baking or Cooking as a way to impress other moms or to make other women feel bad is what makes you a member of the MUFFIA. One of my best friends in the world is a WONDERFUL cook. She can whip up a plate of cookies that taste like heaven in a blink of an eye. She loves to do. She always has loved to do. SHE IS NOT CHANGING WHO SHE IS TO IMPRESS ANYONE. I cannot boil water but she thinks I can do a host of other stuff that is awesome. She does not judge people by their ability to whip up a meal or make a cake. You are a muffy if you judge others by their ability to bake or cook. You are a muffy if you look down on moms that order take-out more than cook at home. You are a muffy if you talk about how superior you are by cooking/baking at home. Bottom Line: Being a "muffia" has far less to do with the outside things like how you look or how you cook. It has to do with the inside stuff like being MEAN to other mothers. Being a muffy is being mean and not being REAL. It's about keeping up a totally bogus and stupid standard of PERFECTION that is unrealistic. It is about not supporting your fellow MOM and being a snob. Hope I have made it a little more clear. Please note that I did not think up the name "muffia" but that it comes from the excellent book, "I Don't Know How She Does It" by Allison Pearson. I keep mentioning this because I just want to give credit where it is due.