Morning Poker with Miss Minnesota
Dear WTMs,
If my youngest daughter, Miss Minnesota (aka Margarita) doesn' t make it in her sales career, she has a great shot for a career as professional poker player.
She has the "gift" of the bluff and she perfects this gift every morning as she gets ready for school.
WTM: You packed your lunch.
MM: Yup.
WTM: You've got your homework.
MM: (Affirmative grunting sound)
WTM: You're ALL ready for school.
MM: Um-huh.
WTM: You've brushed your teeth.
MM: Ohyeasuremom.
(Quick answers using multiple words are a red flag)
WTM: Let me smell your breath.
It is at this point in the morning "fake out" that she utilizes a variety of tactics. I will share with you her "Top Three" responses below:
"Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold 'Em" response
(Smiling brightly up her mom)
Oh MOM! I was JUST KIDDING! I am doing it right now!
"Academy Award" response
(Small, half tears in her eyes)
ALRIGHT! I haven't done it! I am SORRY! I know I was SO WRONG.
"Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?" response
(If she is feeling "lucky" that day, she keeps bluffing)
Okaymomsurenoproblem.
If I have to smell her breath to get my answer, I immediately invoke Mother Law #345.
While she is brushing, I stand in the bathroom and lecture her using a combination of the following effective methods:
FEAR
DIDN'T I TELL YOU ABOUT MY COUSIN? SHE LOST ALL HER TEETH WHEN SHE WAS IN THIRD GRADE! SHE HAS TO EAT PASTE!
GUILT
WHY? WHY DO YOU LIE TO ME? HAVE I BEEN THAT BAD OF A MOTHER?
SCIENCE
I GUESS WE NEED TO MAKE A SPECIAL APPOINTMENT WITH THE DENTIST SO HE CAN SHOW YOU JUST HOW EASY IT IS FOR YOUR TEETH TO ROT!
Dramatic? Sure. Crazy? A little. But no one ever said making sense or being sane was a part of motherhood. If you start out sane, your sanity is gone after the toddler years.
posted by queen of wt at 9/07/2006 07:30:00 AM
8 Comments:
Funny!! I have had to run the smell test by my son's head when he gets out of the shower to make sure he washed it!
Thank god, I am not the only one with a outward appearance-crazy 14 year old who will spend hours going crazy over the outfit, hair and jewelry choices and totally FORGET to brush her teeth!! Yikes!
My kids were so bad at the brushing thing - I invoked a timer - set morning and night for a full 3 minutes of brushing. NOT that I actually think they brush that long - but I figure I get something out of the deal.
My dd seems to think that if she ignores her teeth, face, hair, everyone else will ignore it also. My ds can't seem to remember his deodrant on a daily basis. He seems to think that he only needs to put it on when he stinks. And we are just beginning the teen years. So, I'm thinking of stocking up on tequila, vodka, and my special friend, Rum.
My dd seems to think that if she ignores her teeth, face, hair, everyone else will ignore it also. My ds can't seem to remember his deodrant on a daily basis. He seems to think that he only needs to put it on when he stinks. And we are just beginning the teen years. So, I'm thinking of stocking up on tequila, vodka, and my special friend, Rum.
ooppss..see what they have done to me. Sorry about the double post
Haha!! I had to do this same thing this morning.
LOLOL.......thats both my kids!!!!! :)
The guilt thing used to work.....................:(
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