Monday, September 04, 2006

Fork in the Road

Dear WTMs, Thank goodness Tacky Princess has been posting good stuff lately because my input has, in a word, sucked. The WTM HH is currently in a crisis involving my oldest daughter. This is the daughter that I have written about that we pulled from her school near the end of her 5th grade year, due to the intense bullying she received from some very mean girls. You can read some background on this subject by going to a post I did about the subject in April 2006. You can also read this post by clicking on the title "FORK IN THE ROAD". My daughter is fine....great in fact. The next school year, after the bullying year, she went to a very small but great school that has allowed her to gain some confidence back and become ALMOST the kid that she used to be. We are very proud of her but there are still scars from that awful year. The school we have her in now is the school she went to last year. It is a great school but it is extremely small. We enrolled her in this school because we really did not know what to do for this year and needed more time to check out our options. At the end of the school year, in the Spring, she wasn't quite ready to leave the smaller school. But she had a great summer and really gained more confidence over the summer. Over the summer she told us that she WANTS to move on. She wants to go a bigger school...which is a very good sign. We have wanted this for her and this is very healthy. Her current school was great for a year but it is quite small and it is montessori based. That kind of learning has been wonderful for her but there are no secondary schools, high schools in our area that are montessori. So what in the hell is the problem? My husband and I are both scared. We have been visiting and checking out schools for her to visit. There is no "perfect" solution. I look around and see kids and I wonder "Will you be nice to her?". I look at the administration and I question whether they are telling me the real story or if they are trying to SELL me on their school. We want so much for her to have a good experience at this next school because she is ready. WTMs, please a prayer or a chant or send some good karma toward my girl and my family. My daughter is such a good kid and she did not deserve what she got from the place she was bullied. We need to have a good experience at this next school. Send some good stuff our way to help our family make the right decision. Thanks and I promise the next post will be full or humor and fun.


Anonymous maryb said...

I have been lurking around here for quite some time now, and today I am compelled to comment. You can be sure of many many prayers from me!!! My son, also a delightful, smart, handsome boy, was turned into a depressed, anxious, sulking, poorly-performing child as a result of bullying by kids. AND, would you believe a 72 yr old witch of a teacher and an administration that backed her up until, legally, they could no more. We struggled like you can not imagine. We are so devoted to Catholic education, but this experince blew us away. (I NEVER could have imagined myself threatening a princpal and a priest with a visit from the evening news crew!) We even considered leaving the church over the way it was all handled (even the pastor was a total tool). After many many prayers from so many people our son, like your daughter, is once again the child I remember (except for the addition of some tween angst). I absolutely believe that we were "led" to his new school. I am SURE that the same will happen for you. God sure led us in some bizarre ways, but we eventually saw his plan. God bless and good luck. I'll be looking for updates!

9/04/2006 10:22 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

My daughter is only two and a half so feel free to laugh hysterically at my advice but please know that it’s coming from a woman who was at the bottom of the pecking order during all of her grade school years.

Please tell your daughter that some* bullying can never be avoided, it sucks but it’s the truth. Some people will like you and some won’t and after graduation it won’t matter at all. You can’t control others actions only how you respond to them and if she responds with dignity then she will never regret how she re-acted.

Ok, I guess I’m kind of rambling, but essentially I want her to know that the time she spends in school is so short compared to the rest of her life and when she is grown up she can CHOOSE who she’d like to surround herself with. She can build a world she loves to be in the middle of and even then some people won’t like her and she needs to be ok with that too.

So here’s hoping she finds good friends and much confidence.

(*When I say ‘some’ that totally excludes spending the school year tormenting and rejecting a classmate until they feel worthless and dread going to school causing the pit of their stomach to knot up every morning enough to make them puke when the school bus rounds the corner... I remember.)

9/04/2006 7:55 PM  
Blogger dariasmama said...

Consider yourself vibed for good schools.

Good luck, and remember, you can always make changes. No choice is permanent.

9/05/2006 4:06 AM  
Anonymous toronto pam said...

I feel your pain, and I'm sending VERY good thoughts from Canada.

My older boy is a confident, popular boy. No problems at all. The younger is also confident... now. It wasn't always that way. He was horribly bullied in his first school, and the school administration did NOTHING. Thankfully, his teacher went AGAINST the instructions of the principal and approached me and told me to take him out of the school. It was the best thing we ever did for son 2.

Choosing a new school was nerve wracking hell, but we managed to get him into a good one. This one is a public school (we took him out of a christian school), and he has thrived.

He still gets into the odd spat, but there isn't anything like the last school. My gut feeling at this school was good and we went with it.

I'm hoping like hell that all works out for you and yours!

9/05/2006 7:02 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Prayers for ya!

9/05/2006 7:46 AM  
Blogger Where's the Coffee said...

Awww...I'm thinking good thoughts for you. I'm so glad she is recovering from her rotton experience. 'tween girls can be the most hideous creatures on earth, but there are lots more good ones (like yours) out there than bad. Here's hoping that wherever she lands she finds wonderful friends she can count on.

9/05/2006 11:01 AM  
Blogger sweetney said...

fucking bullies. for reals, i dread the thought of seeing mina go through run-ins with mean girls, though i know it's bound to happen. anyway, good luck to you both and i'm sending good vibes your way...

9/05/2006 5:33 PM  
Blogger molly said...

I feel for you. My daughter had no friends between the ages of 8 and 13. In middle school, she'd skip lunch because no one would let her sit with them. And there was no other school for her to go to. It finally changed when one of the more popular girls, a friend from early childhood, saw that she was in trouble and took her under her wing. It wasn't exactly smooth sailing from then on, but today my daughter's on her own, more friends than she knows what to do with. Lots of luck to you.

9/05/2006 9:10 PM  
Blogger The Zero Boss said...

Finding the right school is damn hard. It took us years to find the right one for our teenage daughter Meg, after years of switching schools, trying homeschooling, etc.

My only advice, weak though it may be, is: don't stress about making the "right" decision the first time. make the best decision you can, and work from there. If it's not a right fit in the long run, you can always reconsider.

9/05/2006 11:11 PM  
Anonymous angelsdream76 said...

I too have been a lurker. Reading your page for some time now. I am beginning to deal with bullies, well one bully with my oldest DD who is 10. I am hoping that we do not have to pull her out of this school because of this one child who just seems to want to pick on my daughter.

9/06/2006 7:11 PM  

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