Is Your Husband an Alien?

Dear WTMs, More scientific data from one of my favorite tabloids, Weekly World News. A recent story broke the news that as many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States. "As many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States after taking on human form," says Dr. James Kune, a physicist and former government UFO expert. "My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to one." Dr. Kune says he has researched human-alien marriages for the past 10 years and uncovered at least 1,000 cases of aliens passing themselves off as humans. One of the most surprising findings in Kune's research is that these alien-human relationships are among Earth's strongest marriages. While the overall divorce rate for U.S. marriages is hovering around 50 percent, almost 90 percent of alien-human marriages last well beyond the so-called 'seven-year itch' that often marks the end of human-to-human marriage. Dr. Kune has several signs that point to your spouse being an alien: Alien husbands love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized." Alien husbands do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on. Alien husbands are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience. Alien husbands will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination."