Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Is Your Husband an Alien?

Dear WTMs, More scientific data from one of my favorite tabloids, Weekly World News. A recent story broke the news that as many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States. "As many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States after taking on human form," says Dr. James Kune, a physicist and former government UFO expert. "My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to one." Dr. Kune says he has researched human-alien marriages for the past 10 years and uncovered at least 1,000 cases of aliens passing themselves off as humans. One of the most surprising findings in Kune's research is that these alien-human relationships are among Earth's strongest marriages. While the overall divorce rate for U.S. marriages is hovering around 50 percent, almost 90 percent of alien-human marriages last well beyond the so-called 'seven-year itch' that often marks the end of human-to-human marriage. Dr. Kune has several signs that point to your spouse being an alien: Alien husbands love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized." Alien husbands do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on. Alien husbands are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience. Alien husbands will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination."

11 Comments:

Anonymous Toronto Pam said...

Hrm... let's see... he loves to fix things, is good at it, and owns EVERY high powered tool on the planet, but compulsively organized? No. He definitely surfs, conversation isn't his strong point at the best of times, and NEVER stops to ask directions.
Guess I'm married to a plain old Earth man.

8/30/2006 9:06 AM  
Blogger Mel-J said...

I don't know...based on the research, my husband may be half alien. I'm thinking the alien half may be from his mom's side. Sorry, bad mother-in-law joke...

8/30/2006 10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish he was an alien. Nothing ever gets fixed. He has tools but they are piled under a roll of carpet and other crap in what I think is the garage. Having the tools to do household projects but the lack of ability and drive are not his strong points. Guess mine's not a alien but if anyone knows where I can find one let me know. Will trade this one for one that works!

8/30/2006 12:30 PM  
Blogger lunaticvick said...

I wish he was an alien. Nothing ever gets fixed. He has tools but they are piled under a roll of carpet and other crap in what I think is the garage. Having the tools to do household projects but the lack of ability and drive are not his strong points. Guess mines not a alien but if anyone knows where I can find one let me know. Will trade this one for one that works!

8/30/2006 12:30 PM  
Blogger lunaticvick said...

I wish he was an alien. Nothing ever gets fixed. He has tools but they are piled under a roll of carpet and other crap in what I think is the garage. Having the tools to do household projects but the lack of ability and drive are not his strong points. Guess mines not a alien but if anyone knows where I can find one let me know. Will trade this one for one that works!

8/30/2006 12:30 PM  
Blogger Vicky said...

Doh! My hubby scored zero out of four. And I so wanted a good excuse his "inhuman" ways!

8/30/2006 3:45 PM  
Anonymous baseballmom said...

Well, hell...my husband can fix some things, not all. He surfs like a teenage boy, and ummm, no on the other...I needs to find me one of them aliens!

8/30/2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger Sunnie (Kaytee) said...

It's official. I'm married to an alien. He scored 4/4. Well does analyzing, wanting to know what I liked and didn't lik, the lovemaking session count?
We're 4 years past the 'seven year itch' so that should have been a clue right there. LOL Now there are 4 children involved. He can't afford to divorce me. It's much cheaper keeping me around. LOL

8/30/2006 6:45 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Good to know I am definitely NOT married to an alien.

8/31/2006 11:30 AM  
Anonymous Gigi said...

I want one!!!!

8/31/2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger molly said...

No aliens in my house, me or my husband. Too bad, we could use one1

8/31/2006 4:48 PM  

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