Tuesday, August 15, 2006

How to Know if You've Been Abducted by Aliens

Dear WTMs,

Feeling blue? Tired? Sure, it could be the fact that your kids need to be in school but it could also be aliens. I got a very excellent and highly scientific article through my subscription at KEEP MEDIA. But it was originally written by reporter Nick Jeffery from one of my favorite publications, WEEKLY WORLD NEWS. If you don't read WEEKLY WORLD NEWS ,you really should start. This newspaper is in my WT Hall of Fame.

Here are some of the HIGHLIGHTS of the article for your reading pleasure. Enjoy! MOST people have been abducted by aliens, say some UFO experts -- so odds are you're one of them.

"Extraterrestrials possess the ability to wipe human memory clean," said Dr. J. Albert Longneck, a UFO investigator from Houston, Texas. "You could be kidnapped once or twice a week and you wouldn't remember a thing."

But there are detectable signs that you've been taken aboard a spacecraft and examined, according to Dr. Longneck. Here is a revealing excerpt from his upcoming book Did I Forget I Was Kidnapped By Aliens? •You're drunk a lot -- Aliens take advantage of boozers because they're used to forgetting huge blocks of time and some really embarrassing stuff, said Dr. Longneck. ETs appreciate drunks because they don't have to waste their memory- wiper ammunition, which is expensive. They pick up a lot of people stumbling out of bars.

•You find a lot of puncture marks in your arms and you can't remember injecting yourself -- "These are from routine alien blood tests," said the expert.

•During an X-ray, your doctor discovers you are missing an internal organ you know you were born with -- "A lot of times aliens take out spleens, a lung, a kidney, an appendix so they can examine them closely," explained Dr. Longneck. Despite their advanced intellect, sometimes they simply forget to put them back.

•You cut yourself and your blood is green -- "This is when they've accidentally sucked out too much of your blood and had to give you a blood transfusion from their own blood bank," explained the expert.

•You look in the mirror and see that your nose is suddenly smaller -- "Many extraterrestrials are interested in plastic surgery techniques and will try them out on their captives," said Dr. Longneck.

•You suddenly discover you are missing a limb -- "You know you started out the day with two arms and two legs, and yet, when it's time to go to bed, one is missing," said Dr. Longneck. "This is an indication they have kept one of your

FYI-My favorite part of the article is if you "discover that you are missing limb". Actually if you are a parent, this actually could be kind of a surprise since you never focus on yourself.

7 Comments:

Blogger Craze said...

I've either definately been abducted by aliens or I drink too much! LOL

8/15/2006 3:26 PM  
Anonymous saintseester said...

You made my day!!! This is hilarious.

8/15/2006 4:50 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

That is just too funny! I will have to double check more often to make sure that none of my limbs are missing.

8/15/2006 8:26 PM  
Anonymous j-yo said...

Well, this explains everything. My favorite one is when your doctor discovers you're missing an internal orgen you were born with. Even though I'm not completely in tune with my body, I'd hope that I would notice any missing organs.

8/15/2006 8:44 PM  
Blogger Sharpie said...

How many days left to school? Loved your last comment - perhaps this year I will try to focus on myself - at least as far as taking a shower.....

8/16/2006 5:49 AM  
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