It's Been A Year Now...And I Haven't Forgotten
Hi WTMs,
It has been a year since I pulled my oldest daughter out of school, due to the fact that she was the target of some major
girl bullies. I can't believe the difference in my daughter this school year----she loves her new school and has lots of friendsand is doing great in her school work. She is, once again, the kid that we know and love. She's back to herself.
But at this time last year, it was a different story. At this time last year, she was being picked on by some girls that would probably make grown women cringe...they are really that mean. Anyway, we pulled our daughter out of school in late April of last year because we had watched our bright and happy girl turn into a shell of her former self. We did not really even know, until after we pulled her and after she was away from the evil beasts just how bad it was.
But now she is BACK and I respect her so much and am so proud of her! She continues to be in her Girl Scout troop at her old school (girls in the troop are mostly very nice, has some of her best friends in the troop). She is also an altar girl at church, sometimes serving with some of the people that were mean to her. I am so very proud of her for staying with the stuff she loved to do at her old school and not running away (even though it would have been easier to do this). She is just 12 but I will tell you she has more guts than I EVER did at 12.
She told me on Sunday something very sweet. She really doesn't like to talk about her 5th grade year----it pretty much sucked.
But Sunday, she told me that some of the girls that she did not know that well in the Scout troop were "growing on her". I told her that was cool of her to give people she did not know a second chance. The wise 12 year old then says:
Yea, I guess I'm back, huh? I think I've bounced back pretty well, mom.
Okay---it was sweet and it was bittersweet. I am so proud of her and I am glad she has moved on. However, as her mother
(and a person that is not as good as she is) I still harbor resentment at some of the bully girls and their families. I am pissed that we had to take our daughter out of a school she had been attending since she was a toddler because some mean ass girls could not be (and would not be) stopped. I know it happens (bullies) but I have to tell you I never thought it would happen to us. And then, even when it was happening, I did not realize fully the damage done.
Last year, in the height of the drama, I told my daughter that in 20 years, she'd be a marine biologist. And the girls that were making her life hell would be pumping her gas at the quik mart. My husband told me that was bad to say but I told him and my daughter that I would never take it back. I still don't take it back. And while I have moved on, I have not completely forgotten. I am not stalking 12 year old girls or anything, don't worry. And I know that these beasts will eventually "get" themselves but it doesn't hurt to cheer this on a bit does it? It's petty. It's immature. It's being a mother. Ladies?
posted by queen of wt at 4/11/2006 07:51:00 PM
18 Comments:
Yeah, those bullies will get their's...
Some eighth grade girls used to tease me when I was in sixth grade- I gave it back to them, but inside I was shocked and hurt and had no idea why I was targeted.
Several years later when I was 17 and with "cool" people at a show, they approached me and acted like we had been best friends. They were ass ugly and I thought, 'Hmm. They totally got what they deserved!' And how desperate must they have been to try to act like we'd been friends??
I know how she feels. Only my mom never pulled me out of school. I wish she had though at the time. Kudos to you for seeing what was going on and taking action. I wish my parents would have stood up for me. I endured alot of crap from the boys and girls in my class from about 10 to 14.
And this hell? Was at a Catholic school.
WTM, you are an awesome mom to listen to your daughter the way you do and stand up for her. And you are right, because those mean girls will probably grow up to be major bitches who will lead miserable lives and make everyone around them miserable. Or Muffias.
Ugh...I so dread my daughter starting kindergarten next year.
without children of my own, and just life experience, I know those bullies well. they dissected every minor detail until they wore it out, and then picked a new one. I feel for your daughter, and I'm glad that she's strong enough to move on, and so quickly. It took me years.
At my school, I was a "Dirt" because I hung out with the shop-class kids. The "Preps" used to literally spit on us from upstairs. Lots of Preps were in my Spanish class, and they were constantly trying to use smarter kids to do their work for them. Then I went to a prestigious private college, where I was allowed to be my own semi-preppy self. I went back to my hometown's department store juniors department, and I saw the bitchiest, stupidest, ugliest Prep working there. Most of the Preps had gone to the local community college, if anywhere. Revenge is sweeeeeeeeeet, especially when it's karmic and you don't have to do anything yourself.
WTM - I know how you feel. My son had the same experience last year and I pulled him out too. At his new school, he is blossoming! He has become, again, the child I knew and loved long before those bullies ever came along. He looks forward to school in the mornings, he doesn't beg to stay home every day - or worse, to be homeschooled. He doesn't think he's worthless, he doesn't beleive anymore what "they" wanted him to believe. And I'm right there with ya... let them pump gas!!!!!
"Let them pump gas..."
Sounds like a great slogan for a t-shirt, doesn't it?
I'm completely with you on this. I teach at a middle school, and I truly hope I get a front row seat when karma unleashes its fury on some of the bullies I've seen. Sadly, we write them up, send them to the administrators, and they're back in class the next day. When does it end?
Your daughter is a very strong young woman. She must have a great role model ( read you). It sounds to me like she is well on her way to becoming a wonderful, strong, proud woman. Good for both of you.
Have you seen the "Malcolm in the Middle" episode where the mother stalks and gets revenge on the girls who traumatized her son? It's hilarious - you've gotta watch it if you haven't. Reminded me of this post.
kThanks WTMs for the comments. My daughter is my hero as far as being able to move on, be the bigger person, etc. I DID take her out but only after it was so very bad. Looking back I would have pulled her in August of that school year.
PS GUYS- Don't dread Kindergarten with your little girls. If you listen to your WT Mom friends you can learn ways so that you can anticipate and steer clear of the muffia at the school, steer your girls toward the kind of kids that are nice. I blame myself a little bit for my daughter being a target-----when she was smaller I was kind of a rebel as far as the mom mafia was concerned. This does not help your kid. I learned and worse, she learned the hard way. It is really because of my experiences with my older daughter that I dreamed up the "White Trash Mom" way of "faking" certain muffia traits so that you can just BLEND IN. But when you blend in using WTM methods you still keep your personality and your sanity!
I agree with you. Bullies can be awful, I usually try to somehow track down the culprits, but that doesn't always work. I had another problem with parents that over reacted. And it's been 5 years, and I still hold a grudge. What happened was my son was 10, trying out for county baseball. This field wasn't even on school grounds. Earlier that day, my small, skinny 10 yr old and his friend went into the boys bathroom and climbed up on the stalls, on the bathroom stall walls, and broke one of the tiles in the ceiling. someone told on them, and they left school grounds. HE was 10 and I know he made a mistake. He got in trouble for leaving school grounds ( suspended) and destruction of property. My husband and I offered to pay for the tile damage. Anyway, that wasn't the worst of it. On the baseball field my son said, " i'm going to kill whoever told on me". It was just a statement. He couldn't even hurt the majority of those boys/girls. But a few of the kids went back and told their mothers. One of them called the principal-- and it was considered a threat. Things got really ugly. A security officer came to the school and spoke w/ us. The officer said he knew my son wasn't dangerous, but you are not allowed to make any type of threat....on school grounds or off. Because of Columbine, they had to take this seriously. my son was probably 85 lbs dripping wet. He was a popular boy, and up til this point, had no problem. One of the moms that called the principal ( at home) and I were not friends, and she's the main one who caused so many problems for us.
The other mom was my son's friends mother. We had known this boy for 3 years, taken him into our home for dinners, taken him to fairs, ball games, out to dinner, etc. After that incident, I told my son he wasn't allowed to play with this boy. The boy could not even look me in the face when I went into the school. It's just a shame that parents can't tell the diff between a bad kid or a frustrated kid. Since that day, my son has been in 0 fights, is very popular and is an athlete. How wrong those mothers were about him. Stand your ground. Just be ready, because you never know.
- Sassy mom to 3 boys
One of my happiest moments in life was when Cheryl (her real name) who was the ringleader of the bullies that tormented me in the gym locker room resurfaced in my life. You see, I was leaving my lawyer gig for the day, pulled up at the save way for some gas and lo and behold ol fat Cheryl (or Shirl as it is pronounced here) was working there. I proudly handed her my AmEx platinum and asked her to fill 'er up.
Bullies are unhappy people. People aren't mean because they are HAPPY. So yes, those girls will get theirs in tune with "what comes around, goes around".
If my kid ever faces bullies, I will probably say something similar to the pumping gas comment you made because you know what? It's probably true.
We pulled our daughter out of the public school in our district back in October for a variety of reasons, one of them being social reasons. She was totally being bullied in school because she was smart and made good grades, strived to do the right thing. She became withdrawn and depressed.
We put her in a really small private school and it was the best decision we ever made for her. She wasn't sure she wanted to go because she was willing to endure the bullies but I saw how it was affecting her. Months later I saw a new child, one that was definitely different than the one we saw back in the early fall. She has flourished, gained confidence, and since then stood up for herself with "mean girls" like that.
You set a good example to other moms, that listening, often has nothing to do with when they are talking as much as it is about observing what affects our kids!
I can not even imagine what a difficult time this must have been for you as a parent, much less for your amazing daughter.
I am so proud of her for the strength of character that she has displayed. I know I was not that strong, nor self-assured at that age. I'm sorry for the road that she had to travel to find that inner strength and sense of self - but don't you just feel wonderful for her? Those bullies didn't kill her, they just made her stronger.
(and I think you are perfectly justified in any/all gas station comments! I can't imagine how you refrained from strangling each and every one of them. Or at the least sneaking into their homes and replacing their shampoo with Nair or Goth-black hair dye, or something else that would freak them out.... Amazing how we turn into such she-bears when our babies get threatened....)
Luckily, we havne't went thru anything as badly as you guys did...but we did go thru some bullying with some of my daughter (who is 12 also) ex friends. It's AMAZING how cruel , hurtful, vindictive, and MANIPULATIVE girls can be. But look at their mmothers.....the rotten apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree!
Anyways...so glad your daughter is doing well in her new school. It's terrible that she had to endure that :(
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