Church Going with the MUFFIA

Dear WTMs, Took me a few days to recover from the Easter holiday this year. Had more family and church activities than usual and then we went to visit family. But I can't believe that EVERY YEAR during the Easter season....I totally FORGET how much the MUFFIA uses Church as yet another way to prove their superior mothering skills and as a way to showcase just HOW PERFECT their family is. It is like I block it out and yet during the week before Easter, it always comes back to get me. Let's discuss: So I am at a Good Friday service at Church. It is one of those LONG ASS services due to the fact it's Good Friday. I am there because one of my best friends is totally involved with Church stuff and she asked me to help out with some thing afterwards for the "blue hairs" of the parish. Besides, I have been really lame during Lent this year and the great Catholic guilt is a strong motivator. Besides guilt, going to stuff where you get to dish with the older "church ladies" is a total riot. Those gals are a total hoot and there is not one "muffy" to be found because doing stuff with the "blue hairs" is not nearly cool enough. Anyway----so I go to Good Friday service during the day but I don't take the kids with me because I totally DRAG THEM to this really long "Stations of the Cross" service at a downtown church every Good Friday at 3pm and I just think that service is ENOUGH church for a kid on Good Friday. There is a story here, so please read on. Sorry for detail but I had 3 cups of coffee today so I am even more ADDDDD than normal. So I am at the Long Ass Good Friday Service, sitting in the back due to the fact I was running late. I am minding my own business when one of the muffia spots me. I try to kind of act like I don't see her but then had to eventually make eye contact as it is a long ass church service. After the service, I try to dodge her but she is quicker than me and BOUNCES UP TO ME in her very cool $300 casual shabby chic outfit. I am in jeans and a normal t-shirt, crocs. I look okay, not too WT but quite frumpy. Muffia Member: HI! How are YOU? Are YOUR KIDS HERE? Me: No, I did not bring them to this service... Muffia Member: (interrupts me) OOOOOO TOO BAD! My kids NEVER MISS this WONDERFUL GOOD FRIDAY SERVICE! I mean, it's JUST NOT A TRUE EASTER HOLIDAY TO MY FAMILY without this Good Friday service? (Please note I only wish I could show you the facial expressions and let you HEAR her voice as she is pouring her heart out to me...it was quite a performance). Me: Um, yeah.... Muffia Member: (cuts me off AGAIN) So...is it just too hard for your kids to sit through one of these services? I know a LOT of kids have trouble. (Translation: So I guess your kid is not as good as my child due to the fact that your child did not attend this church service....it's okay because not all kids can be perfect like mine. It is due to ME being a perfect mother!) Me: (Finally having enough) WELL MUFFIA, I wanted to come to this service but I did not make the kids come because we always go to the "Stations of the Cross" at the Church in the "Bad" Part of Town on Good Friday. They are with the cousin right now and my family and I are going to that service in a few hours. So I did not make them come with me to this. Besides, I just wanted some time for some REFLECTION. (Translation: Muffy, we actually attend Church services in other parts of our city, even in parts of the city where everyone does not drive a new Lexus to Church. And sometimes I like to come to services alone because, unlike you, I have a soul, and I need time alone to reflect and worship GOD. Because, BTW, that is kind of why you are supposed to go to Mass. To worship). Muffia Member: Oh. How..Nice. Well, I'm OFF! As I watched her bounce away, I was pissed at myself for even explaining where my kids where. Church is NOT a spectator sport for normal people but I forgot about the MUFFIA. Everything is a spectator sport. I am sure all of you have muffia in your place of worship, whatever religion you are. But I get especially ticked off about the muffia when it comes to Mass stuff because that is one area that really should be "out of bounds". But it's not and the whole reason I have to talk nicely to the muffia is because my kids will pay for it if I don't. However, I must note for those of you who are as PETTY as me, the look on her face when I told her I was taking my family to a service in the "bad" part of town was satisfying. You could see her little brain calculating the social climbing value of attending that service. Hope she doesn't remember it for next year. Ladies, hope your Passover, Easter, Long Weekend was good. Hope you were able to have a MUFFIA free holiday. Anyone?