Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Muffia Meeting-Part Two

Dear WTMs, Sorry to not conclude the "two parter" yesterday but fell asleep (drooling) upright in a chair. Okay---so I am outside the meeting room listening in and waiting for a moment when I can break in to the all important meeting and humbly ask where pictures are being taken. Disclaimer: I knew some of the moms in this meeting----a few WT moms were in the muffy meeting hell, probably guilted into joining or just did not say no fast enough. Overheard in hallway: Anorexic fake tanned mom #1: Okay now we come to the issue of catering. Dean and Deluca were good for the salads but I received feedback from "Anorexic fake tanned mom #2" that the dessert tray last year was not up to par. White Trash Mom Commentary: I swear to God. She said "up to par". Read on. As soon as " mom #1" said the "par" comment, woman joined in the DEBATE with a heartfelt speech. This person had to be "Anorexic fake tanned mom #2": "Anorexic fake tanned mom #2", speaking in a "valley girl" voice: You know, it's just that, you know, Dean and Deluca was SO EXPENSIVE so their dessert tray and Muffy and I just REALLY feel that we need to MAKE A CHANGE this year, you know? White Trash Mom Commentary: Please note: I added in the third "you know" for dramatic effect----but the first two were absolutely real. I could NOT make it up. It was far too good. After the important speech by "Anorexic fake tanned mom #2", there was a general consensus that yes....a change needed to be made. Whew. Another mom, who I will call "Bigger Boned Mom wearing really expensive clothes and dripping in jewelry" chimed in with her suggestion: "Bigger Boned Mom wearing really expensive clothes and dripping in jewelry": Connie So and guys know Connie, right...ANYWAY...has this incredible woman she uses for her parties and events. Her name is Xiena or Sylvia...whatever...she hardly speaks a word of English but she is SO SWEET....Anyway...I could get her number from Connie and we could see what she would charge for a desert tray.....Connie says she is dirt CHEAP...... White Trash Mom Commentary: Alot to translate here for those of you not skilled in Muffia communication. "Bigger Boned" mom was able to immediately NAME DROP (Connie So and So) to show her importance. Basically, when Bigger Boned mom was invited to parties at Connie's house (and most of the people in the room were not) she got the "inside" scoop on....DESSERTS. Impressive, yes? Bigger boned mom came up with the great idea of taking advantage of a woman that hardly speaks ENGLISH. Awesome idea for a CHURCH FUNDRAISER. Really cool. BTW, when I say "Bigger Boned" for this mom, I mean she was bigger for MUFFIA standards. That means she was probably a good size 8 or 10. It was right after "Big Boned Mom" commentary that my kids screeched: MOM, where do we need to go? Did you find out? Busted. I quickly ask for directions and I RAN away before I caught the eye of a friend of mine. I would have totally busted HER if I made eye contact. My WT Mom sister was doing her very best not to totally ROLL HER EYES at every comment made. WTMs, it's not like I SIT AROUND and try to bag on the muffies. You can't make up this stuff. It's like the BEG me to make fun of them and to tell you guys. I just can't help it......


Blogger LLA said...

I'm totally rolling my eyes as I am reading this???

How did you not give yourself away by just busting out in hysterical peals of laughter? Oh, the self-importance....

6/28/2006 10:34 AM  
Anonymous Kate the Shrew said...

I wouldn't have thought you could pack that much Muffia-ness into such a small space. Clearly I haven't had to deal with them much... yet.

6/28/2006 11:33 AM  
Anonymous Siobhan said...

My husband is in the Navy. In the military, these people are known as "Officers' Spouses" (it used to be Officers' Wives but we have gone PC in today's Navy) and often have their own clubs where we, the lowly enlisted wives, cannot attend. Unless we happen to work for a public affairs magazine and get invited so we can write up what they're doing.

Not all officers's spouses are MUFFIA. But a lot of them's all so...Stepford...

6/28/2006 9:19 PM  
Anonymous baseballmom said...

Please, please find a way to go undercover more often...these Muffies are way too entertaining! I overheard a couple of them at our weekend baseball tournament, discussing the fact that they got their kid a $200 bat bag, and how it's, you know, too bad that they don't make a DESIGNER LABEL line of bat bags...holy cow, you have BOYS here playing's not a FASHION SHOW, you know?

6/29/2006 12:26 AM  
Anonymous baseballmom said...

Ooh, wait, I almost forgot, one of the MUFFIA had parked her Lexus SUV too close to the baseball field, and had her windshield broken by a foul ball...damn.

6/29/2006 12:29 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

LOL!!! Rolling on the floor. Oh my gosh, this is hysterical!

6/29/2006 7:29 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Wow. Up to par. My brownies and cupcakes in an ice cream cone certainly would have been a disappointment then, eh?

6/29/2006 12:40 PM  
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