Friday, June 09, 2006

Muffia Spy Invades Neighborhood

Dear WTMs My oldest daughter is in a tennis league this summmer. She plays for a local neighborhood pool and tennis place. The tennis league is made up a few country clubs, a few city park tennis clubs and a few neighborhood places. The purpose of this tennis league is to teach kids more about tennis, to get them to play more and to have fun. It is not ultra competitive and the emphasis is on learning the rules of tennis so you can play for life. Our little neighborhood pool and tennis place is kind of a throw back. It's hidden in a neighborhood not far from mine and it's awesome. It is not expensive to join, anybody can join and it's fun to go and hang out there. It is kind of a haven, I have found, for other WT moms and we have done this every summer for the last few years. I am going somewhere with this, I promise you. This week I found that our little WT haven has been invaded by...the Muffia. Right now, I have only seen ONE muffy but like mice, they tend to gather in groups. How did I spot her? Read carefully the list of signs below, WTMs: Number One Sign She was extremely obsessed with the RANKING of each player on the tennis team. She asked about 10 questions about this at the parent meeting to kick off the season. Number Two Sign She watched a few of the girls play a match after the meeting and then immediately went up to several of the moms after this match and tried to arrange a "challenge match" for her precious daughter. Note: The challenge matches are played to determine RANK/SKILL level. She only asked the moms of the younger kids and less skilled kids. Second note: The rules of the tennis league indicate that the CHILDREN WHO PLAY are supposed to set up their own matches. A good way to usually spot a MUFFIA mom is that that mom is doing more for their kid that they are supposed to. Number Three Sign A few of the moms were talking while kids were playing. This mom was very horrified to tell us that she...WORKED PART-TIME. Kind of like it was a disease. My WT pals and I chimed in that yea, we worked too or else no I used to but I don't right now. It's kind of a fact of life in my world, not a chronic disease to be ashamed of. I was 90% sure she was MUFFIA and then this past week, I knew it. See sign number 4. Number Four Sign At the first tournament of the season, I went along to watch. The daughter of the MUFFIA spy kept asking the score keeper mom about RANKING. After listening to the daughter ask endless questions about RANK, this sealed it for me. I knew that a muffia spy has entered our quiet little WT summer oasis. I am not against being competitive. I am competitive and I think that competition is a healthy thing. But when it bugs me and when I think it goes into "MUFFY" territory is when the competitive aspects of a sport (ie: Tennis) override the PURPOSE of the sport's venue (ie: JUNIOR FUN LEAGUE TENNIS). Apparently this mom did not get the memo that this league is a beginners type of thing, designed to have fun and teach the rules and MANNERS that go along with the game. I plan to call an emergency WTM meeting with some of the other moms later this weekend to discuss the spy situation. There will be plenty of beer and cold frozen drinks served at this gathering so that we can better plot: 1)How to turn this mom to the light or 2)Run her out of our oasis. If we can't turn her away from the dark side, we need to drive her out. The muffia rule our schools during the year, I don't want any at my summer hangout. I will update you ladies on this serious situation. Wish me luck.

30 Comments:

Anonymous H.A.Page said...

This post is exactly the nuances and persnicketiness that persists when women don't have anything else better to do... or women who vicariously live through their children.

Career moms will read this and feel smug.

Petty Persnickety Parsimonious MotherPie Cheers...

6/09/2006 9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just tell her flat out that if she's into competition for her precious Princess, then she's in the wrong place. Tell her that y'all are just there to have fun and learn sportsmanship and act like there's something wrong with her for trying to make it more than that. Give her suggestions of leagues where she might feel more comfortable :)

You are so lucky that you have little pockets of White Trash minded moms. I don't think there are any where I live :(

6/09/2006 10:06 AM  
Blogger queen of wt said...

I have found that there are both "career" moms that are muffia AND stay at home moms that are muffia. It really depends. Basically the muffia are women that were the mean girls in 7th grade and then they grew into moms that look at motherhood as a "spectator sport". That is my best description.

6/09/2006 10:07 AM  
Blogger Johannah said...

I went to DD's ballet recital dress rehearsal, and had to shower when I got home because of all the MUFFIA germs swirling in that place. DD's 5 year old class only has one MUFFIA mom, so it's a safe haven, but you would not have believed the older kid's moms. Shudder.....

6/09/2006 11:06 AM  
Anonymous saintseester said...

Parenthood as a spectator sport - so this would qualify as a Muffia? The wife of our assistant coach has been taking notes all season about who plays where which innings, because "her son has been treated unfairly" - The rest of us are too busy gabbing to really "count" innings, you know?

Then her husband contacted the all-stars coach to lobby against my child (who is the son of the head coach). If you have a problem with me, take it out on me, NOT my kid.

6/09/2006 11:08 AM  
Blogger SistaSmiff said...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! What can we do to make them go away?!?!?!?!?!??!

6/09/2006 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing about being competitive is, it is the kids who are playing, and it should be up to *them* to be competitive!!! If the parents want to get their muffy-butts out there and play then by all means, they can be as competitive as they want to be. Oh wait, do Muffias actually ever compete without doing so through their kids?

6/09/2006 1:15 PM  
Anonymous baseballmom said...

OMG...I saw a whole line of Muffia on the bleachers at a baseball tournament last weekend. They each had a sweatshirt that said, "Connor's Mom", "Truxton's Mom", etc. and big bows in their hair that matched the team's uniforms. I felt like going up to them and asking, "Where's the sweatshirts for Connor's illegitimate brother? Or Truxton's Dad's Lover?" Amazing. One also cut me off in a Lexus SUV the other day...grrr!

6/09/2006 11:32 PM  
Blogger kris said...

you know... if she won't turn to the light side, you could always just stop "competing". Don't feed the beast.

She'll try to arrange the matches, but that doesn't mean the other moms have to agree to them.

Depending on how many of the other women are in agreement, this would be a very simple way to nip it in the bud.

Maybe she should consider playing tennis herself and let her kid do her own thing.

Hope it works itself out.

6/10/2006 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Down our way, we call Muffia Moms BowHeads. What is so funny is that we have been coining that term for about 18 years now. Won't they every go away?

6/11/2006 8:13 AM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

Your little haven sounds soooo nice. I wish we had something like that around here. It'd be worth defending.

6/11/2006 8:37 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

My daughter also plays tennis - and, I feel you. I really do my best to stay as far away as possible, while still supporting my daughter. It can be a challenge.

6/11/2006 11:05 AM  
Blogger R. Robyn said...

Good luck turning her away from the dark side.

6/12/2006 4:26 AM  
Blogger Sharpie said...

Just when you thought it was over with the school year....

Good Luck!!

6/12/2006 6:18 AM  
Anonymous j-yo said...

This is a perfect example of what happens when parents live through their kids. My son is on a baseball team and most of the other team parents are pretty laid-back, but there is one couple that constantly tries to "coach" all the players from the sidelines (apparently they don't realize we already have a coach). Whenever their poor son blows a play (which is often, since they're only 9) they call him over to "correct" him. I predict the poor kid will end up in therapy any day, become a serial killer, or at least wake up and tell them to go f*ck themselves. Both of these parents work full time, by the way, but they are soooo Muffia-like.

Muffia parents should work on getting a life of their own. If you're that competitive, join an adult sports league and then you can obsess over your own stats.

6/12/2006 10:44 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

I suggest you have your WTM at the tennis league...
All of you gathered around drinking, having chips and other edible oil products should have MUFFIA running for the hills...
ohhh... make certain that there is an empty bottle of tequila and jack daniels on the table for posterity...
Yo Baby!

6/12/2006 2:41 PM  
Blogger Wicked Opinion said...

Take it from one who has been raised on the dark side and ran from it as soon as she could....I grew up on prep school campuses, it doesn't GET any more Muffy than a prep school. The Muffia (AKA WASPs) are really quite transparent once you know what their frickin problem is. They are whores. A whore is someone whose value is determined SOLELY by others' desires. It does not matter what she thinks of HERSELF. IT only matters if others want what she has. This is the Muffia/WASP mentality EXACTLY. An example, every time my dad calls me, he ALWAYS says "It's Dad, calling from Princeton..." Okay, Dad, you've lived there for over five years...I think I can reconcile the Caller ID with your last known location. But he has to place a value on himself by where he lives and works. Scary....

6/12/2006 5:39 PM  
Blogger Sunnie (Kaytee) said...

Hi there. I'm here reading your blog because Ivy sent me from her blog. She and I have been friends for years. I LOVED reading your blog on Muffias so much that I added you to my list of fave blogs. LOL Once I figure out how to add you as a link to my blog, I will. LOL

6/12/2006 6:20 PM  
Blogger Puddin said...

The Muffia invasion situation is worse than we thought. I encountered a multitude of Muffia in the women's bathroom at Louisville Slugger Field this weekend (the home of our beloved triple A team the Louisville Bats.)I saw a group of 4 congregated around the diaper-changing table that pulls down from the wall. As I was in the stall conducting my business, I could hear them all talking about the various play groups and classes that they have their toddlers enrolled in for the summer. I'm pretty sure just as I was flushing I heard one mention her baby's yoga instructor. I washed my hands at the sink as fast as I could and got the hell out of there, for fear they would capture me. This is truly worse than we thought.

6/13/2006 6:34 AM  
Blogger Mert said...

Quote: Basically the muffia are women that were the mean girls in 7th grade and then they grew into moms that look at motherhood as a "spectator sport".

Yup, I would agree with that discription. Unfortunately Muffia beget Muffia. The daughter of a Muffia was in my daughter's preschool class, and she was a complete snot ball to my daughter for no reason. It's a shame that kids soak up everything around them, the little sponges that they are. It's like this girl never had a chance to be a nice person.

6/13/2006 1:28 PM  
Blogger Divacowgirl said...

Your blog is great. Instead of going to bed I'm sitting here reading and reading. Now I'll go to bed and be jealous..great stuff

6/13/2006 11:12 PM  
Blogger dariasmama said...

OK, I've tried to be patient.

What did y'all decide to do? I liked the idea of the tequila at the tennis club. Come on...dish!

6/14/2006 4:54 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oy... God, that makes me dread signing my son up for t-ball next year.

6/14/2006 3:55 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

NO, its easier than you think. You have to do the WT thing and get ugly with her fast-scare her so she believes you-or get her drunk, take her to a strip joint and take lots of pictures.

That and getting her hooked on Eazy Cheese should work...

6/14/2006 7:39 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

NO-what you have to do is the WT thing and threaten to kick her ass-scare her into ceasing all Muffy like behavior, or get her drunk, take her to a strip joint and take loads of pictures.

That and getting her hooked on Eazy Cheese will totally work...

6/14/2006 7:41 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

Muffia moms must die. that's all. It's okay to take them out.

6/14/2006 9:08 PM  
Blogger Cate said...

Ok, so I just got back from our first trip to our local swim and tennis club, which I joined to be nice to my kids (ya know so they can experience the whole swimming in the summer thing like normal children with good moms) to find out it was crowded with Muffia (or Stepford Moms as my bf and I call them.) To make matters worse, as we are in the car leaving, the 8 year old informs me the Muffia pack closest to us are mothers of children at her Catholic school. Turns out the place was 75% the exact Muffia I have been hiding from since pre-K (just different grades). AAAAAAH!

Oh yeah, and the children are already on the way to snotdom. One of the lifeguards won't let my disabled son swim outside of the shallow area because he doesn't have good form.

I love this blog.

6/23/2006 10:32 PM  
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