White Trash Mom List for "Summer Enrichment"
Dear WTMs,
Clearly, my post from about summer activities, titled SUMMER ENRICHMENT MY ASS, hit a nerve with you WTMs. I am very glad to know I am not alone. It is because of the good response I got from that blog entry that I continue the ranting about SUMMER ENRICHMENT with my own list of WHITE TRASH MOM list of SUMMER ACTIVITIES for the children.
Please note that some of these activities are in jest (for the three "PC" readers out there in cyberville) but this list is made up of activities that I think kids would have fun doing as well as some of the stupid things I did in childhood, plus some stuff that I know my girls do when they think I am not looking. Please feel free to add to the official WTM Summer Enrichment List!
WHITE TRASH MOM SUMMER ACTIVITIY (aka "Enrichment) LIST
- Daily game of "DingDongDitch" with the ___________family
- Collect Rolly Pollys in Tupperware. They die. Have funeral. Collect more.
- Tell your sister there are ghosts in the attic (she sleeps next to it). See her get real scared.
- Build a fort in backyard, over the swingset. Sleep in fort with next door neighbors. Stay in it half the night then come inside.
- Crank call ___________neighbor boys every other day
- For the 12 and up kids: Babysit the toddler kids down the street so you can read Mrs. Toddler's mom dirty books. Tell all your friends about it.
- Spray your dog with the hose DAILY. Get yelled at by mom because house smells like wet dog.
- Ride bike around (not always possible in every neighborhood)
- Spy on neighbors
- For younger siblings: Spy on older sister and friends. Record in your near photographic memory everything they say and report in detail to your mom.
- For 12 year old and up kids: When mom is gone, get "R" movies on demand. When cable bill comes, deny, deny, deny.
- Make a movie using Barbies, pets and whatever else you can find. Make everyone watch it over and over. Dream of fame.
- Tell the annoying neighbor kid behind you that it's polite to say "ASS" instead of "PLEASE" at the dinner table.
- Get grounded and yelled at by parents when the annoying kid actually falls for it and does it at dinner. Write letter of apology to kid and family. Mother makes you talk to Father __________.
- For younger siblings: Listen in on your mom's phone conversation and repeat in detail to neighbors at the block party.
- Take money from Grandma and blow it at K-Mart on BLOW PENS or something equally as lame.
posted by queen of wt at 5/10/2006 02:22:00 PM
11 Comments:
Hee hee...
1. Get a desk fan and spend hours talking into it. It sounds cool...
2. Haul ass on your bike after the ice cream truck and when it stops for you, keep pedaling and pass by it.
3. Freeze your ass off in the cold spray of the garden hose and then burn your buns off by laying on the hotter than hell concrete.
4. Even though the myth has been debunked. Spend several dollars on coke and pop rocks and conduct your own experiment to see if you can get your best friend to explode while eating pop rocks and drinking coke.
5. Save your allowance cause you know July 4th is coming and you will get your major stash of black cats firecrackers.
6. Spend the second half of your summer in your bedroom grounded after lighting two strands of black cats and tossing them at your older brother.
Love your list, LOVE it.
Here's one:
* Paint every toenail a different color (on the baby)
Hello fellow WTMs! A little piece of news you may not be aware of from me, the child who grew up in Muffia-land - Prep Schools! Yes, I was a "fac brat". Here's the thing - those WASP types want to get rid of their children ALL THE TIME. Most of them are NOT working parents, do not NEED to ship their kids out, and certainly have enough money to do something cool with them instead. What I have learned through careful observation and questioning is that they truly believe that more is better, in terms of scheduling AND they want to let someone (qualified) raise their children for them. I feel very sorry for both parents and kids.
Show much younger brother the warranty for the refrigerator and tell him that it's his adoption papers.
Heh...
1. Fill up numerous water ballons. Climb the tree in the front yard. Haul the water balloons up. Bombs away.
2. Attach your little toy soldiers to the model rockets and add your brother's GI Joe to the space program. Bonus if he has a parachute and actually makes it back to earth unscathed.
3. Throw random (inanimate) things in to the pool and dive after them. See how many you can get before you drown. GI Joes and Hot Wheels are good for this.
4. Play "ghost rider" on your bike. Remember that one? Pedal really fast, hop off the bike and let it go where it will.
5. Play catch across the street. See how close you can get the ball before or after the cars as they drive by too fast.
Wow, I did some DANGEROUS crap as a kid. And I'm the GIRL!
Tennis "lessons" of repeatedly hitting a tennis ball into the garage door until the sound drives your neighbors insane or you break a window, which ever comes first.
Make mud pies and force the dog or your little brother to eat them.
Dress your cats up in baby clothes...the cats love this.
Try learning to ride your bike with no hands. Have bad wreck, but get back on and try it again.
Climb so high in the backyard tree that your mom nearly has a heart attack. Do this every day.
Clothespin playing cards to your bicyle wheels so your bike sounds like a motorcycle.
Wash and wax the family car by hand because you are too young to realize this really isn't fun.
Have a sleepover on the back deck.
Run barefoot through the construction next door.
Dump dirt in the wading pool to make a mud bath.
Catch frogs and toads and try to keep them alive in your room without mom finding out.
Attempt to spray the hose into every open window.
Leave popsicle wrappers everywhere, especially outside where the dog will find them and shred the evidence.
Make homemade popsicles being sure to spill at least half the juice in the bottom of the freezer.
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Because you can't afford a pool, fill up a large black trash bag with water from the hose while sitting in it, then hold the sides up.
Make your own popsicles with an ice cube tray, apple juice and tooth picks.
To save money on AC, ride your bike to the library on a hot day, enjoy reading in quiet for an our or two. Bring some change for a soda or ice cream at the near by 7-11 on your way home.
Play in the rain in your swim suit, then wash off in the rain with a bar of soap before coming inside.
Make frozen bananas by putting them on an old popsicle stick, freeze. Then dip them in a mixture of chocolate syrup and powdered sugar and refreeze. *drool*
Pitch a tent w/sleeping bags in the back yard and play cards at night before bed.
Beg, beg , beg the parents for a new pool because sitting in a trash bag sux. Be completely disappointed
when your parents make a pool out of unused cinder blocks from the back yard, a large sheet of plastic, and some bricks to hold the plactic in place. Try to enjoy the "pool" while carefully avoiding crushing your tail bone on a cinder block, because you keep falling down on the slipperey plastic. A few days later, enjoy swimming with misquito larvae. *Ahhh, childhood. Such fond memories. Hmmm. Not so much.*
Found something every white
trash mom MUST have:
A WHITE TRASH beer glass
here:
http://barscigarsandbrew.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=1005&Category_Code=Glassware&Product_Count=1
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