Sunday, June 04, 2006

Beginning of Summer Wars

Dearest WTMs, Sorry for lame posts last week. I have been deep in the trenches of the Summer Wars. The first two weeks of the vacation are always a little rough for our family. School ends and the girls have the insane idea that:
  • They have a full-time maid for the Summer (me)
  • They can play "Off-Road" for Playstation 2 and watch TV all day long
  • They are entitled to nothing but FUN FUN FUN for the next 90 days
Needless to say, this fantasy world is shattered EARLY in the vacation but I always have to do a little "Boot Camp" type of reality check for the girls at the start of Summer. My behavior modification program is pretty simple, I am sure you are familiar with the methods.

1. Yell alot about how we live in complete squalor. As you scream, use examples of how gross the house is by taking old sandwiches out from under their beds or making them look at all the dog hair in the see-through vacum cleaner.

2. Force them to make piles of items that they have not touched in the last 2 years. If they have not used it, touched it in 2 years, it goes in the Garage Sale pile. Do not be swayed by tears for the broken EZ Bake Oven that Grandma gave them. Either use it, throw it out or sell it at the yard sale. If it is old and nice enough, give it to charity.

3. Forced outside labor. Weeding, helping plant stuff, help with yard work.
4. Repeat some of the things your mom used to say to you. It's really a form of brainwashing but I have found it works nicely to get them out of the fantasy world that my entire job over the vacation is to play "cruise director" for them. My favorite mantras are as follows:
  • One of the reasons parents HAVE children is so they will do chores! Don't believe me?
  • Call Mrs._____________(insert name of a WT Mom friend). She'll tell you.
  • If your attitude continues, we can just start going to 815 mass EVERY DAY. I'd love it.
  • Where is the phone book? I want to check into Summer School for you guys if you are so bored.
  • If you are that bored, perhaps you could call Great Aunt Cassie. I'm sure her 17 cats need some could spend ALL DAY with her. I'll get my keys.
  • I am sure Susie's mother IS a way nicer mom than me. If you would like to do EVERYTHING Susie does, let's call Susie's mom and get the name of Susie's Oboe teacher. I am sure you'd love that.
I hope you guys don't think I am total beast. I do love having them home, away from schedules of school. But it takes a few weeks to break them into the reality of summer.


Blogger ballerinamommy said...

I love it!

6/04/2006 6:07 AM  
Blogger LLA said...

I think you're brilliant!

6/04/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Gandksmom said...

Clearly we have the same children, the same messages to give them and oddly enough...the same mother's from whom we have learned such message's! My kids aren't out of school for a couple of more weeks, so I am sure the war will begin then for us! Thanks for the reminder!

6/04/2006 11:19 AM  
Blogger queen of wt said...

Thanks for the feedback WTMs! Days like today (when the house is a pig sty and yet I do nothing) I feel kind of worthless. Thanks for the bright comments!

gandksmom--perhaps we are related in some way. My mom's side of the family came from OKLAHOMA. You know, Grapes of Wrath, Henry Fonda type of stuff. Or perhaps we like in a parallel universe!

6/04/2006 4:37 PM  
Anonymous j-yo said...

My kids get out of school in a few weeks and I am already dreading it! I'm going to print out your mother's sayings so I can start using them.

6/04/2006 7:31 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

heehee. I love that. I'll need this in a few years...

6/04/2006 8:17 PM  
Anonymous saintseester said...

You forgot, "If you are bored, I can help you find something to do" - mostly in the way of cleaning the bathrooms...

6/04/2006 9:12 PM  
Blogger R. Robyn said...

you're not a beast, you're honest.

"...and I really don't think you guys appreciate all I do for this house!"

6/05/2006 1:57 AM  
Blogger Pickalish said...

OH MY GOSH! This was brilliant. I thought for one second I was the only one on this boat. Dilly's been out of school for 3 weeks, and I am ready to put him in full time daycare. And I'm a stay at home mom! This was so nice to hear. =)

6/05/2006 5:53 AM  
Blogger Sharpie said...

(Mad scribbling) to copy all of your notes!!!! LOVE THEM!!!!

6/05/2006 8:04 AM  
Anonymous Kate said...

That was the most honest parenting post I have read this week. I should creat an award...

6/06/2006 1:34 AM  
Blogger KTP said...

I needed a laugh today and I turned to my blog friends, desperate for something new and funny. Somehow I found you. Thanks for saving my mood. I'm supposed to be funny.

6/13/2006 3:43 PM  

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