Miss Minnesota Search Leads to...a NEW DISCOVERY

So my 7 year old wants to be MISS MINNESOTA for Halloween. Why? No freakin' idea. We are not from Minnesota nor do we have a large family from the great state. Since I am a WTM, I stopped questioning the "WHY" of such decisions long ago and started out in search of her MISS MINNESOTA costume for Halloween. Have any of you ever tried to find an evening gown for a 48 pound, 7 year old girl? Well, now I can say that I HAVE tried to find such an clothing item and while trying to shop in "brick and mortar" stores, LET ME TELL YOU THE LOOKS I HAVE GOTTEN. Faster than you can say...Jon Bene', the sales clerks are tag-teaming me in the store----one trying to get me O-U-T of their store while the other one attempts to "hot-line" me to Social Services. So I went searching online, in an attempt NOT to have child services coming to my door, wondering why I want an evening gown type of get up for a size 6x. WTM's don't even "go there" about the Halloween costume stores-----there is not a "Miss America" type of costume at any of them in my area. Anyway----in my attempts to fulfill my sweety-pea's desire to be Miss Minnesota WHILE not SOCIAL SERVICES coming to question me-----I turn to the Internet. It is on the Internet that I discover, something unknown to me until now....Pageant wear for children. Okay, call me a Bee-och but would one of you guys please tell me what is up with the whole "dress your 6 year old like a hooker" deal with the child and child/teen beauty contests? Clue me in if this is something that is okay or let me know what you think. My first reaction (being kind of bitchy) is to totally MAKE FUN of it all. However, I am awaiting my o so loyal and smart WTM readers to fill me in-----is this beauty contest for kid thing as cheesy as it looks or am I missing something? Readers? Remember...If you can't say something nice....Come over and sit with me.

Desperate Housewives & Speeding on Your Kid's ADD Meds

Okay---I am the only one on the PLANET who did not follow DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. But then I got the DVD as a birthday gift for one of my best friends----and then, in true WT fashion, since we have not been able to get together since her birthday----I cracked it open and started watching it. Okay----the character LYNETTE, the mom with the horrid children, is my favorite. My favorite episodes are the ones that Lynette takes her kids ADD medication, so that she "SPEEDS" through the day. It is a total true to life situation! But the episode that kind of "hurt" was the one when Lynette kind of crashed after her week of taking ADD meds and she almost went whacko on the kids. She told her pals she felt like a bad mom----how she couldn't handle it all---then they told HER how hard it was for them when their kids were little. Lynette was surprised and asked them "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Ouch. She had to take SPEED to keep up with the perfection syndrome. Sick but probably not that far off. That is our mission ladies. Stamping out the idea that you gotta be perfect.

Baptismal Candle & Why My Daughter Will Be In Therapy

Okay WTM, forgot to tell you about the latest thing I did to ensure that my 7 year old will be in therapy in later life. So, we are Catholic, that much I have told you. This year is First Communion year and basically the entire year of Second Grade is a total fluff as they prepare them for First Communion. One of the first events to prepare the children is a ceremony that renews the child's baptism. Okay, fine. EXCEPT for the fact that this event involves the child using their baptismal candle as a part of the ceremony. What I have NOT shared with you WTM's is the fact that my youngest daughter, Katherine, has the spirit of my MOTHER in her. My mom died when Katie was a toddler but seriously, she lives on in her. I think it is my mother's way of tormenting me from beyond. This is going somewhere, I promise. Okay, so MY MOM was kind of a June Cleaverish-type of woman and had to have everything PERFECT at all times. It was her generation but it was also HER. I was, of course, her worst nightmare as she could barely get me to groom until I was 12 or 13. Anyway-----my daughter Katie, who is one of the best things to ever happen to me, has some of these traits. My husband and I can only attribute her perfection streak to my mom, as it has not been passed down from either of us. So....naturally I forget that she has to have the candle for school on Monday. Naturally, I remember at 9pm on Sunday night, when KATIE reminds me. My husband is OOT (as always) and so I can't leave the kids to run to the 24 hour grocery store. So I get up early, drag the kids out of bed early the next AM------then I make them go to the 24 hour grocery store with me so we can get a white candle that will resemble the baptismal candle. I call one of my WTM friends, who tells me that I should also put some kind of a ribbon on the candle, as some of the candles have these. We buy the damn candle and red ribbon, the only kind I can find at the grocery store. My 11 year old then informs my 7 year old that this is wrong color, causing all kinds of HELL. I explain in a very calm voice that is the only kind of ribbon we can get at the 24 hour grocery store so let's be happy. Then, in the parking lot of the school, I light the candle, burning it down a bit so that it does not look like it was purchased just 15 minutes before school. There is one minute until school starts and Katie actually makes it to school on time (which was kind of a miracle). Do not know why I am "sharing" this with you but just wanted to let you know one more reason why Katie will be in therapy in her 20's.

This is REAL...this is NOT a test...

As a WTM, I have been extremely lucky to have some mentors that I also count as friends. I have a crazed friend that has grown children and is now a grandmother---I "globbed" on to her in the 80's when I worked with her and she has been unable to get away from me, even after all these years. Anyway, when I told my friend about the WTM blog, she sent me this article. This is an actual magazine article from a magazine in the 1950's. This is a real article, boys and girls. Was it GREAT to be a male in the 50's or what? Enjoy and let us all thank our lucky stars we are in the year 2005. Click on the title to this blog entry and you will be taken to the article. But let me just give you a small preview: You may have more than a dozen important things to tell him...let him talk first, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. EEEEEK!

Am I Muffia if I BAKE or GROOM?

I had two of my very best and very NON-MUFFIA friends ask me this week if they were "muffia". So I thought I better clarify the term a bit. Question One: If I Am Well-Groomed and Stylish, Does That Make Me A MUFFY? NO! Being well-groomed or wearing nicer clothes certainly does not make you a member of the dark side. One of my best friends in whole world is extremely fashionable and always looks pretty fabulous. However, I have known the woman since second grade and she was ALWAYS like this. It's hard wired into her DNA. Being dressed nice does not make you a muffy. What makes you a member of the "muffia" is if you are NOT naturally a snappy dresser but you do so to IMPRESS the other MOMS. Or if the only reason you groom is because you want to be friends with a certain group of people. Grooming does not make you EVIL. Judging other moms by the way they look or dress is the evil part. My pal that was born a snappy dresser would walk through fire for me or really ANYONE that needed it. She would just do it looking great. Question Two: If I Like to Bake or Cook, Am I A MUFFY? No Virginia. Baking or Cooking does not make you a MUFFY. Using Baking or Cooking as a way to impress other moms or to make other women feel bad is what makes you a member of the MUFFIA. One of my best friends in the world is a WONDERFUL cook. She can whip up a plate of cookies that taste like heaven in a blink of an eye. She loves to do. She always has loved to do. SHE IS NOT CHANGING WHO SHE IS TO IMPRESS ANYONE. I cannot boil water but she thinks I can do a host of other stuff that is awesome. She does not judge people by their ability to whip up a meal or make a cake. You are a muffy if you judge others by their ability to bake or cook. You are a muffy if you look down on moms that order take-out more than cook at home. You are a muffy if you talk about how superior you are by cooking/baking at home. Bottom Line: Being a "muffia" has far less to do with the outside things like how you look or how you cook. It has to do with the inside stuff like being MEAN to other mothers. Being a muffy is being mean and not being REAL. It's about keeping up a totally bogus and stupid standard of PERFECTION that is unrealistic. It is about not supporting your fellow MOM and being a snob. Hope I have made it a little more clear. Please note that I did not think up the name "muffia" but that it comes from the excellent book, "I Don't Know How She Does It" by Allison Pearson. I keep mentioning this because I just want to give credit where it is due.