Making Memories for my children's future therapist appointments

Merry Merry WTMs! Happy New Year Too! I just wanted to say hello and starting in 2006 I will be back in the saddle again! Have been very busy with holidays, recovering from breast scare and of course, the usual sick child over the holiday break. Do you think that their little bodies are set to "SICK" starting every major holiday weekend? If someone was not sick over the long holiday, I really would not think it was normal. We are making memories this holiday for my girls. Not really the kind of memories that most moms associate with the holidays but then again this is the WHITE TRASH MOM blog so there you go. To update you all-----you know I have a store (whitetrashpalace.com). We sell jeans and tshirts that are fun but not so crazy that you can't wear them to a kid soccer game. We have vintage jeans that we embellish and it's been a good year for the ladies of "the palace". There is a point here, I swear. Keep reading. So I got a call from a kind of famous (but can't name them right now) group in Los Angeles for a huge order of jeans. It is very good for business but has been kind of nutty around here. As my husband loves to say (very Irish Catholic of him I might add) "WATCH WHAT YOU WISH FOR". I really HATE it when he is right (which he is, quite a bit and it is annoying). So I got a huge order with not much time to fill it. Am almost done but some of the jeans are not really "vintage enough"-----which is why the girls and I have been spending the holidays DISTRESSING jeans out the ying yang. We all smell like BLEACH. We have been hanging around various Laundromats (due to the fact that my washer runs 24/7 due to the dirty clothing generated by the time off) bleaching out jeans, sandpapering jeans (to make sure the worn out look is really worn out) and other fun things. I was in a store yesterday (I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE) and the checkout lady said "What is that smell?"----which of course I answered "BLEACH!" So hanging around various Laundromats, sandpapering denim----that is our holiday fun as a family. I have until next week to finish. This holiday will rank up there with the summer that my husband and I dragged the kids around to our mututal automotive client 600 locations (we went to about 50 of them one summer) for fun "TIRE EVENTS". My girls spent every other weekend on the road in automotive retail parking lots, next door a major retailer that ends with a MART while there were balloon animals, NASCAR drivers and lots of funnel cake machines. My girls BOTH actually became quite good at selling stuff and worked with the CMO of marketing of the company to lure in potential tire customers by offering a balloon to them. Really great childhood memory stuff. What a great mother I was (and AM!). Anyway----the funny part is if you the girls that was one of the best summers EVER for them. Shows you just how far gone they are. So great family memory builder. Tire sales, bleach----these are the markers of my girls childhood. I just hope that when the go to therapy, they will remember me as a size 4 and a natural blonde. Talk to you on New Years EVE! LOVE WTM

Holiday Survival Tip #5

Dear WTMs, First of all, a big thank you to JANE for sending the really scary LINK to the "cookie party" site. I have put a link to this scary site in the title of this blog entry, in case you want to go and see. Shudder. Second of all, I want to say again that BAKING DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MUFFY. I have many WT and excellent moms that are awesome cooks and love to bake stuff, especially this time of the year. One of my best friends really gave me hell about the baking thing so I want to be clear on this one. Remember----what makes a person a muffy has nothing to do with baking or income----it has to do with ATTITUDE. Finally, dear WTMs, my holiday survival tip number five. This tip is really important. Tip number five is...BE GOOD TO YOUR WT SELF. Do something good for YOU in the next few weeks, as you are going to be doing even MORE for others in the coming days, remember to take time out for yourself. You will be a better mom and be a better person. Take 30 minutes and go to the nail salon over in the strip mall. Even if you KNOW they are talking about your toenails in another language, it will still feel great to get a pedicure. Or go to a movie---ALL BY YOURSELF. Trying to coordinate with another friend is usually a nightmare, so just go by yourself and enjoy it. If you can't get to a movie, lock yourself in a room (away from your family) and watch the movie CLUELESS or some other excellent comedy. My point is, do something completely worthless, completely for yourself a few times during the busy holiday season. You will feel better and then you will be re-charged and ready to deal with the added stuff that comes with the season. We all know that alot of the "stuff" is good but it is still EXTRA so let's be careful to recharge the old batteries. WTMs I would really LOVE to hear some of your WT MOM SURVIVAL tips for the holidays!

WT Mom Holiday Survival Tip #4

Dear WTMs, The holiday season is in full swing. Your child's class holiday party will be upon you before you know it. Be prepared! As a WT Mom, you may or may NOT be a BAKER. But our next holiday survival tip DOES involve some BAKING or if you are like me, it involves some ONLINE SHOPPING. Our next survival tip is something that is both festive and entertaining. What you will need to do is either bake OR purchase undecorated gingerbread men. I have a link to an online store that you will find if you click on the title of this blog entry if you are, like me, a NON-BAKER. After you bake OR purchase the UNADORNED cookies, take all but 5 of the cookies and decorate the cookies in a very fun and kid friendly way. You know, the usual "red hots for buttons and icing" standard that kids love on their Gingerbread people. Set the cookies aside. After you decorate the KID cookies, find the NASTIEST, MOST OBSCURE ICING RECIPE YOU CAN FIND. I recommend getting online, go for some HEALTH FOOD web site. Find a really "narly" icing recipe and then ice the remaining FIVE cookies with the nasty icing. At the holiday party, give out the kid cookies to all of the kids. Give the remaining cookies out to any MUFFIA members that are helping with the party. Tell them that the cookies and icing are an old family recipe that your grandma brought over from the "old country" and it has been in your family for years. Watch in sick and twisted delight as MUFFY and BITSY choke down the nasty (but not TOXIC) cookies. Tell them you are ALL FULL because you can't get enough of the great holiday tradition. While this is a very immature and stupid tip, it will also make YOU feel all warm inside. Full of the holiday GOODNESS that is the HOLIDAY SEASON! One more reminder---let's not get carried away WTMs! No DRANO© icing or anything like that, okay? Let's have fun but let's be SAFE out there!

WT Mom Holiday Survival Tip #3

Dear WTM's- Am taking today's blog from one of my ALL TIME favorite books called THE CURSE OF THE MOMMY by Cathy Crimmins. Although Cathy does not classify herself as a WTM, she is totally a role model for all the White Trash Moms out there in the trenches. Holiday Survival Tip #3 is very simple. Have a relaxed holiday and have fun with your family during the holidays---your kids will only remember the weird stuff. Please read on as I give a few examples from Cathy's book: Day at the Circus-Total Cost $112.00

• Lithuanian jugglers, Romanian acrobats, mimes, clowns, animals.
• You got the children tickets, Snowcone flashlights, food and other souvenirs.
• What your kids remember: The elephant took a dump.

Birthday Party-Total Cost $300.00

• Magician and personalized favors.
• Provided wine and cheese for the parents.
• What your kids remember: The red balloon (19 cents)

Kid Concert-Total Cost $55.00

• Kid concert featuring PBS TV stars, flamenco dancers.
• Bought tickets, took them for Happy Meals after the show.
• What your kids remember: Boy sitting next to them farted real loud.

Her book is packed with great stuff like this! But is this true or what? So have fun and leave the worrying to the muffia. It will give them wrinkles.