Monday, October 23, 2006

Muffia Headquarters-DISCOVERED!

Dear WTMs, I now know the location of "the muffia" headquarters. The evil ones operate at a small, out-of-the-way grocery store and deli, near my favorite liquor store. Read on for details....if you dare. I went to my favorite liquor store today to stock up on my best friend, SENOR PATRON. As I mentioned in the previous post, it's been a MONDAY. I took a proactive approach and decided to go to the liquor store early in the week. Monday, after all, is close to the weekend. If you look at it from a certain point of view. My favorite liquor store is not that close to my house BUT they are nice and most important....they take checks. A key factor when dealing with a WT shopper like me. After writing a sizable check for SENOR PATRON and other "friends", I decide to dash in to a nearby grocery store. It's not my usual grocery...this store is a little smaller, more "exclusive" than the coupon palace that I usually frequent. When I entered the WTM instincts went into high gear. I sensed...DANGER. Despite the fact that I had showered AND groomed today, the muffia immediately knew that someone from the outside, someone NOT from the mothership, had invaded their territory. I even looked a bit "muffy-esqe" today in my pants, shirt and sweater. But all the same, the evil ones knew that I was a WTM. My smart ass smirk and really brown hair "roots" were a dead giveaway. As I quickly walked through the store, grabbing my ding dongs and fruit roll ups, the muffia silently watched me. Unlike most of them, I actually had to be somewhere. So I raced down the aisles, at lighting speed and then I noticed....I swear to GOD I am not of the "Queens" was following me. Really. Queen Buffy was by far the loudest of the crew and I knew she was one of the leaders because only a leader could dress that badly! I could hear her from two aisles over discussing the "hellish remodel" that she currently has going on-----and she was wearing a paint spattered shirt(multi-color coordinated) and sweats to prove how DIFFICULT her remodeling was going. Anyway---"QB" followed me, I kid you not, for over two aisles. She started by the frozen foods and was on my ass all the way to the coffee and bread section. As I was in the check line and I could see the door, I decided to get a little SASSY. I spoke directly to the muffia mom and her toddlers in front of me. WTM: Your daughter is really sweet. How old is she? MUFFIA MOM AT CHECKOUT: (Has "deer in the headlights" look on her face, panics and looks around ) Chesterfield is 18 months. Barley is 3 years. WTM: She'll be grown up and living with her boyfriend Steve in his conversion van before you know it. HAVE NICE DAY!


Anonymous baseballmom said...

Whoa...lucky you made it out alive! They must have hidden the Land Rovers and Lexuses (Lexi?) somewhere so you wouldn't suspect that you'd infiltrated the inner sanctum!

10/23/2006 11:51 PM  
Blogger Candi said...

TELL me her kids names weren't Chesterfield and Barley. One - Maybe. Both - No.

10/24/2006 5:10 AM  
Blogger LLA said...

Chesterfield and Barley...hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

10/24/2006 5:28 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Your parting comment is 14 different shades of AWESOME. Well done!!

10/24/2006 8:08 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh geez. I hate the names Muffies give their kids. I always want to gag over the ultra trendy names. It wouldn't surprise me that the kid's names were Chesterfield and Barley.

10/24/2006 8:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG.....I'm rolling on the floor laughing here, because we have "that" kind of grocery store by me too......I sometimes run in there because it's on the way home from daycare - parking my Ford Focus in between a Lexus and a BMW. Everything you said - so true. I've been followed.

10/24/2006 10:30 AM  
Blogger queen of wt said...

Okay---I did embellish the names a bit. I don't think it was Chesterfield and Barley----but it was damn close.

10/24/2006 11:04 AM  

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