The Rosary Problem and Help from WTMs

Dear WTMs, As I have told you, I am a room mother at my daughter's school. The room mother gig is actually an excellent "WTM" job as it is a "high profile, low workload" in terms of the volunteer ROI matrix. There are just certain times that it is a pain in the rear, like last week. We have a school auction this year and each classroom makes things for the auction. Naturally, since two of the three room mothers in my daughter's class are "WTMs", the head of the auction committee had to call and "suggest" a project to me. It was "suggested" that our class do a Rosary. There are about 60 beads on a Rosary and so the "suggestion" was that each of the children make two beads for the Rosary. Fine. I go into the classroom just before Christmas, and the little monsters each make two beads for the Rosary. I won't even TELL you what was in some of these beads. Can anyone say BOOGER? So then I pass off to the other WTM Room Mom, who bakes the damn Rosary beads. Then she gives them back to me before Christmas in a baggie, where they sit on my desk until last week. At pick-up last week, a muffia mother than I have spoken to twice in 5 years, BOUNCES up to me and tells me that "if I need any help with the classroom project" to call her. WARNING: This is muffia code for "Get your damn Rosary turned in to the Muffia/Auction committee or you will be punished", for those of you who are not familiar with muffia code. You know what my last month has been like----I am totally crazed. In a total panic, I call one of my WTM pals who is also very crafty and creative. She comes through with flying colors, assembles the Rosary and it's done. HA! Thanks to another WTM, I have lived another day to foil the evil muffia! The best part is that a few of the muffia sons and daughters have their boogers in the very special Rosary.

More Reasons for Future Therapy for Kids

Dear WTMs, I know I promised spook patrol lessons this week but have to blog about an incident involving my older daughter. I am certain this will be remembered at her therapist's office in later life when she blames me for everything (and she will, as we ALL KNOW...IT IS ALWAYS THE MOTHER'S FAULT). So my 12 year old had her friends over the other day and they decided to make a movie. They needed some action figures for their masterpiece so they wanted to borrow my younger daughters BARBIES. Knowing that this could incite a riot in my house later in the evening, I told them that they could use the two naked barbies that were in the bathroom (these are her "swim" dolls that little sis takes a bath with) AND that I would like them use one of the dolls that I have on my web site, white trash palace. Here is the catch---the doll on WTP is a PREGNANT BARBIE-LIKE DOLL named TRAILER TRASH TURLEEN. See picture above. This was one of my best sellers over the holiday as you push her tummy and she says things like:

• There's a TWISTER comin'!
• Pour me a double, I'm Drinkin' Fer Two!
• BURP.

I instantly regret the offer of "Turleen" for use in the MOVIE. Older sis is kind of horrified. "Nice, mom. REAL nice". I really know this was a bad idea when one of her friends says: "Oh, you gave my mom and dad one of those dolls. But they said that I couldn't play with it because it's not appropriate for kids". Strike two. While my older daughter at first is horrified (I guess having pregnant white trash barbies hanging around the house is not the norm) she and her buddies naturally use the doll in their movie. The masterpiece, at theatres in a few years, is called "Bobby Joe's Big Day". It is complete with Ozark-like characters inspired by the WT Turleen doll. It is actually quite twisted and funny. So...it situations like this one that I am grateful that my own mom is passed away. If she had any idea that I shopped for "Jon Bene" dresses for little girl to wear on Halloween and let big girl use Trailer Park dolls for movie props, she would probably D-I-E.