Saturday, December 02, 2006

Ah, the Snow Day

Ah, the Snow Day. The kids are outside romping in the beautiful white snow. Me inside baking ginger cookies and sipping hot chocolate, watching fondly from the frost-covered windows. Wishing it could go on like this forever. AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!! That would be the Lisa from PB Kids scenario. You know the one where everyone and everything looks, smells and acts perfect all the time? Here's the real deal... TP: Why don't you go play in the snow? It's beautiful and perfect for sledding. Thing 1: I don't have any snow pants. TP: That's no problem. Just put some extra layers on. That's what we always did. Thing 2: And I don't have any good gloves for snow. Mine are too small. TP: No problem. You can borrow mine. Thing 2: Uh, Mom. Your hands are like a giant's compared to mine. TP: No problem. Just stuff some Kleenex in the ends. That'll keep you even warmer. (smiling...) Thing 1: And I need a shower (this, as if a sudden epiphany...). TP: No problem. You can take it afterward. That makes more sense anyway. Thing 2: But I don't have any friends in the neighborhood. TP: No problem. You have a built-in friend right here. Your sister. (smiling...) Thing1: Mom, it's like, totally freezing out. TP: No problem. That's what your new coat is for. It's got that cool Thermo-nuclear-insulate-layer to keep you toasty warm, remember?! Thing 2: And my boots don't fit. TP: No problem. You can wear your sister's old ones. They should be just right by now. (smiling...) Thing 1: I don't have any snow pants. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to beat them. Seriously. Call Social Services. I can't be held responsible for my own actions any longer. The smile is creasing my face and causing me serious pain. My face might just crack. Pass me the Senor Patron, Queen. It's my turn... So, I finally manage to shove them out the door after about an hour of tussle. (No, I'm not kidding...) I sit down at the computer to get a little work done, thinking maybe some of my day can be billable after all. NINE minutes tick by on the clock. The back door flies open. Thing 1: (Covered in snow) I have to go to the bathroom. (Of course, you do. You are Thing 1, and that is your M.O.) She proceeds to strip off the 14 layers of clothing that took her one hour to put on...and heads to the bathroom, which is all of 6 feet away. Thing 2: (Shrieking into house, directly followed by dog, who is quite literally covered in huge globs of snow. Dog is grinning from ear to ear...) Oh my gosh, it is, like, so, like freezing out there. It could, like, freeze your nose, like, right off your face. This from the child who has on her lightest weight winter coat, no scarf or hat and the pair of makeshift gloves her child-abusing mother made her wear. Her hightop's are soaked, and she collapses onto the mudroom floor, as if she has just run a marathon in the snow. Thing 2: I'm done. It's, like, way too cold. Yep. That's it. 9 minutes of respite for over an hour of hellish preparation. Thing 1: (coming out of the bathroom) What are you doing? Thing 2: I'm done. It's, like, colder than the arctic out there. Thing 1: Yeah. I don't have any snow pants anyway.


Blogger carmachu said...

Dont worry, I already put in the call, but I framed it in terms of justifiable homicide.....

12/02/2006 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is why I don't have/want children. I wouldn't have made it through the hr. of preparations. I would've just shoved them into the snow unshowered, ungloved, unsnow-pantsed, and uncoated. And then I would've locked the door only to open it again for the dog. *smiles*


12/02/2006 1:47 PM  
Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

oh .. you are so having my week! All week, the kids were out of school. All week they made me crazy and here I am on Saturday, stuck in the house again. I can't believe it. It most certainly must be punishment for all of my wrongs.
Oh, and Lisa on PBS, is she like th human Barnie. The woman is just too darned chipper. Seriously.
Ok, it's your blog, so I'll stop.
It is good to have kindred spirits.

12/02/2006 2:19 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

This post makes me question my sanity to actually think one more child would be a good idea! :-)

I couldn't get my son OUT of the damn snow yesterday... But then again, he's 4. I'm sure alot will change when he's your girls' age.

12/02/2006 3:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh my GAWD - that all sounds so very familiar!!
I am so glad I 'ran' into you!!

12/03/2006 5:28 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

In PB land, you would have sat down with your girls in October and picked out the *cutest* snow outfits ever, with matching gloves, hats, scarves, boots, etc. and had them special ordered and delivered in time to try everything on and make sure it fits and everyone is happy before the first snowfall. Then, while they were happily cavorting in the fluffy whiteness, you would have whipped up several types of lavish but healthful cold weather snacks for them when they returned, all red cheecked and bright eyed, from their adventures in the snow. After devouring just the right amount of your delicious snacks, you would all sit around the table beside a cozy fire and play an entertaining AND educational board game you purchased for just such an occassion...

12/03/2006 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Danielle said...

What is up with kids today? You could not get me in the house. Hours in the snow! Our 7 yr. old neice was over one day last winter and it was the one and only snow day of the winter. I sent her and my 4 year old outside to build a snowman. I get them all dressed, push them out the door, and 3 minutes later they are ringing the door bell with blank stares on their faces. I ask them what's wrong....the 7 year old tells me the snow won't roll and they can't make a ball. I just looked at them dumfounded. I was like "so play something else, use your imaginations.... I think that's the problem. I think parents pay way too much attention to their kids and when no one is paying attention to them or they are not plating video games, on the computer or watching TV, their like "what do I do?" Parents need to just let let them be bored so they can use their imaginations....

12/03/2006 2:51 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Whenver I have 'moments' like yours...
I am always muttering...'I am living da' dream I tell ya...Living da dream!!!!'

12/04/2006 7:16 AM  
Anonymous rasik said...

i really dont like ginger... only use it if I had bloating tummy...:-)

9/14/2010 8:51 PM  
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