Tuesday, August 15, 2006

North Woods - Part Deux - You Might Be A Yooper If...

Sorry for the lengthy hiatus. I think the Queen is right and that I, too, was abducted by aliens. Either that, or my kids were, and the aliens made a mistake and brought them BACK. Personally, I am of the opinion that if they take my children, they should have to KEEP them. Especially at this special time of year when everything they do is so endearing. :) The countdown is on - S minus 5 (school starts in five days!). So, getting back to the North Woods. Thanks to the person who commented about getting the Itch. Yes, it really does exist, and yes, isn't that charming? Nothing like a little goose poop in an otherwise crystal clear lake to enhance your enjoyment of the summer months in the UP. What I'd like to focus on this time is the overall attitude / "climate" of the UP. If you are not from this "neck of the woods", it really is hard to do this justice, but I will try, my WT comrades. Do bear with me. You see, Yoopers are a whole different breed altogether than you and I - and proud of it, I might add.

You just might be a Yooper if... You go to bed in, wake up in, spend the day in, go back to bed in and wake up again in the same clothes. And by golly, those clothes were good enough for the last two days, so why not go for a third? You collect every piece of trash like it's worth a brick of gold. After all, if you send it out with the garbage, it costs you money, since every piece is weighed on pick-up date. If it can burn, melt or smolder, it goes on the fire, baby. You judge a grocery store by the price of kerosene for your lamps. Your snowmobile cost more than your kids' college education. You have the most teeth of anyone in your family, and that's twelve - top and bottom. Your car's "Check Engine" light came on in 1989, but you know that's just a scam to get you to take it in to the dealer, so you just keep adding the EZ Heat and keep on keepin' on. A Pasty refers to nothing of an unseemly nature, and you even salivate at the mere thought of them! Your spandex leggings have worn through the inner thighs, but you figure it's only you, the chipmunks, the mice and the bears out there, so what da heck? A big outing is a trip to St Vinny da Paul's for some "new" clothes and whatever else you might find. Other Yoopers' trash is your treasure!

By the same token, if your clothes match, that's a modern day miracle (read: mistake) and practically an embarrassment to your kind. Striped shirt, plaid pants? You bet! On the other hand, you might be a Lowper or Troll (Can you say Lower Peninsula SNOB?) if... You look down on anyone who lives north of the Bridge (to Mackinac Island) A cabin in the woods is defined as anything with less than 3,000 square feet and only two bathrooms. Roughing it means going without your hair straightener for the weekend. Camping entails taking the Escalade anywhere over 20 miles outside of the city and staying in someone's second home that has a woodburning stove or at least a fireplace. A hike is what you take to find a place to smoke where "the wife" won't catch you. Yoopers. Lowpers. Two different types of people from two different places. A different world. More another day. S Minus 5, ladies. S Minus 5. We just might make it...

7 Comments:

Blogger Jennie said...

I would love to send you something similar that might make you laugh. It's Lutheran Air for Wisconsinites! I know that the battle for the UP rages between WI and MI, but you might like it. My e-mail address is jenniferleemcdannell@yahoo.com

8/16/2006 7:25 AM  
Blogger Jennie said...

Actually, it's about Minnesotans, but here's the link anyway: http://fruitorigami.blogspot.com/2006/08/lutran-air.html (Not to plug myself or anything)

8/16/2006 8:33 AM  
Blogger tacky princess said...

Very clever dere, Jennie. I hope dey all land ok, by da grace of da good Lord. :)

TP

8/16/2006 1:15 PM  
Anonymous the canuck said...

the itch - we get that duck/goose itch in Canada too. Take a 1/2 dose of benadryl before swimming. Just a 1/2 dose - you won't get sleepy. The mites still bite and you will get spots but they don't itch.
Love the northwoods stuff and the Wisconsin air. My Canadian accent is sometimes confused for a Minnesotan accent don't cha know

8/17/2006 5:15 AM  
Anonymous angie said...

Mmmm...pasties!

I grew up in Minnesota and then lived in da UP for 10 years so I have a lovely accent. I have had several people ask me if I was Canadian.

Stuck in boring Illinois, I get my thrills reading these kinds of hilarious "up north" stories.

8/21/2006 12:08 PM  
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