Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tiffany's Tennis Togs - WTM's: 40 - Muffia:15

Ran into "Tiffany" in the school parking lot. Me with my fresh out of the shower look, complete with slapped on makeup (why did I even bother?) and rumpled collar that didn't get a look in the mirror before dashing out the door. Tiff with her tennis togs on and that just-off-the-courts look. When she commented that she hadn't even had time to shower, what with the massage early in the day, followed by her tennis lesson (where is the gagging spoon when you most need it?) in the afternoon, I had to suppress a major GUFFAW, my WT friends. You see, Tiffany was in FULL MAKEUP. I kid you not. From the sculpted French Manicure to the overtweezed and dyed brows to the perfectly lined lips with just the right amount of gloss over that oh-so-perfect shade of salmon lipcolor. The eyelashes alone would have taken me five minutes, and that's if I had enough eyelashes to curl. They may have even been falsies. False eyelashes on the tennis court. So anyway, the possibility that she had failed to shower was not even remote. It was nonexistent. I put on my best Muffy face and replied you'd never know it and that she looked right out of the cosmetics department at Dillard's! (Can you say snarky?) She proceeded to regale me with tales of her spring break at the very fashionble locale in points south, and I pretended not to be looking at my watch, while we waited for the kids to get out of school. In all, not a bad run-in with the Muffia. I'd call it a 40-15 game, with the WTM's on top. How DO they play tennis with those fingernails? And I don't even want to think about what other body parts Tiffany waxes religiously. EEEWW! Come to think of it, it's probably about time to buy some new razor blades, since spring is technically here. Hubby claims not to care, but we don't live in Europe, so the hairy leg look just doesn't go over, you know?


Blogger Shadiva said...

I think the trick is that they don't actually play tennis. They just dress like they do and then talk about playing tennis as if they've actually done it. I could be wrong.

Also, I'm not technically a WTM yet...but I'm 4 months pregnant with my first child to screw up! Yay!

3/28/2006 10:01 AM  
Blogger Queen of the Court said...

I played a woman a few weeks ago who sounds just like your Tiff. So much foundation and rouge, I did not know anyone wore that much makeup anymore. And kohl eyeliner, she looked like Cleopatra. Her long manicured nails to were perfect. Her partner had that scruffy, slept in your athletic clothes look my parnter and I share. The thoroughly made up woman preceded to kick our asses all over the court. Our strategy was to play with her partner only. Dumb, but it was all we had left. Never underestimate the muffia.

3/28/2006 11:32 AM  
Blogger ^starshine said...

Perhaps its a learned trick about not "showering" that the muffia share with one another at the club?

3/28/2006 12:34 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

I work at a private school where all the moms are Muffias, all the hairs coiffed, all the tennis skirts perfectly ironed. I ran into one at the gym not too long ago, her $100 matching workout top and pants barely sweaty and her full make-up not even smudged although she had been in the step aerobics class. I of course looked like I had run for my life through a 7-11 parking lot, so I appreciate you out there winning one for all us WTMs.

3/28/2006 1:25 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Your husband doesn't care?! He's a keeper.

3/28/2006 2:51 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Ick. I hate the Muffia. They get money and all the sudden they're "IT." Personally, I'd rather roll out of bed and do what I had to than waste the five minutes I get to myself on brows, blush, and all that. I only put makeup on when it's NECESSARY...and that's basically never. LOL.

3/28/2006 7:23 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Did you know that you're mentioned in Pajiba today? Tres exciting.

PS: You should be able to crawl through the cable lines at anyone who calls you "fucktard". Clearly they are stupid and having a bad day.

3/29/2006 8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I am cracking up. The only thing you can see around here is "Muffia". It gets old, fast. And you know what's great--I have a theory about the "Muffia". They have OLD money--Not $$ they have worked for--And it's so old because they are all so goddamn tight and refuse to spend it on anything substantial ;)

3/29/2006 9:31 AM  
Anonymous Expert in Eyelashes said...

I would like to share my recent find - a great video on how to apply false eyelashes. It's indeed quite easy if you follow the video. Stay beautiful, sisters! :)

8/23/2007 6:21 PM  

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