Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Mea Culpa to the Gainfully Employed WTM's

Mea culpa, mea culpa. That's Catholic-ease for "I'm sorry". That's right. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry to any of the gainfully employed WTM's out there who may have mistakenly believed me when I said that I really had my crap together when I was a full-time working mommy. That I could get more done in a day than Bree on Desperate Housewives, pre-alcoholism. Yes, it was the rose-colored glasses talking. Yes, I was SOOOOO wrong. And yes, mea culpa. Since posting on Monday, I've had memories flooding back to me of those glory days when I was the perfect working mom. Uh huh. You know... the mom who made a six-figure income, had the kids looking like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, cooked a delectable meal every freakin' night and always had time for every child - individually. Yeah, that mom. OK, not so much. Here's what the memories were like and the reason I had to post in haste...
  • The time I showed up at daycare, to find only one of my two children there. When I freaked and asked where the other one was, I was informed that she'd had Brownies that day, so she didn't come to aftercare. Brownies had been over for an hour at that point, and she'd had to go home with the leader 'cuz' my cell phone was dead, and they couldn't reach me. Uh huh. Perfect mother.
  • The time I ran out of gas on the way to daycare in the pouring rain - with two kids in car seats. Banner mom day.
  • The time I went to grab the kids out of the car and realized I had locked the doors - with the kids in the car - in their carseats - with the car running - with the air off - on an 85 degree day. Mom of the year award coming my way...
  • The time I was tooling along the highway after work and suddenly realized I had put the toddler into the seat but hadn't buckled the seat up. Pulled over, threw up, buckled toddler up and proceeded directly to Social Services. (Why even wait for them to come to me?)

("Epitome of organization", my ***...) Read on...

  • The time I showed up at school, child in tow, only to discover that it was a day off from school (ok, that's my neighbor's story, but I had to throw it in for good measure...how horrifying! She actually dropped her kid off and didn't learn until much later that it was a no school day. Fortunately, it was a conference day, so there was some supervision. I'm sure the teachers were thrilled to be the daycare provider for her kindergartner!)
  • The time I forgot to pick up my daughter to get her braces off - oops, that was recently. No fully employed mom excuses there. Just general ditziness.

Ok, your turn! Any WT Mom of the Year Award stories to share? Let's see - what shall the prize be? A year's supply of Zoloft?

I just had to share these stories from my Perfect Past. Funny how those rose-colored glasses can distort reality, eh? You know, that's what our "movement" is all about - how we're NOT perfect - and how we're not supposed to be. And how BORING it would be if we were. Leave that to the muffia!

And stay-at-home moms, please make no mistake. To quote my good friend, the Queen of WT herself, "Every mother is a working mother." Whether you get paid actual dough or not. So, don't sweat it. We know you work hard. Now put on your robe, and get the mail (kidding...!)! As for me, I was actually up and out by 7:45 am when I had to take the kids to school today. Not even in my slippers! :) Let's face it, some days are better than others.

Now, let's hear those perfect mom stories!

12 Comments:

Blogger Robin said...

You sound like a very normal Mom to me. Don't have any stories - no kids of my own...

3/29/2006 11:01 AM  
Blogger Crazy Lady said...

I am a working WT mom, and I freely admit to having let my youngest son eat green beans right from the can for breakfast, because it was easier than fighting with him on a morning when I am late already. But my all star mommy moment was the time I had another mom and her kids over, only to find my angels stark naked in the bedroom, finger painting themselves and the closet door - with peanut butter.

3/29/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Hmmm. How about the time I took my 2-year-old over to my husband's (very religious) grandfather's house. My daughter dropped her sippy cup on the floor, sighed exasperatedly and said, clear as a bell, "Jesus Christ!"

I. Wanted. To. Die.

3/29/2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger Sharpie said...

How about EVERY time there is a special day Teddy Bear Day, Pajama Day, Wear your Team Colors Day, St. Patty's Day - Guess who's kids are never prepared?

Yes. mine.

And my absolute worse was AFTER having missed Teddy Bear and hearing ALL THE WAY HOME hoe she was the ONLY kid who didn't have their Teddy - it was her turn to Share (used to be Show and Tell back in the day) and we had Nada, Nothing, Zilch.

I ran delirious to the van - hoping to find a discarded toy under the seat - a McDonald's toy - anything. Nothing. I run in - half-crazy eyed...assuring her that i will go home and get ANYTHING she wants - ANYTHING.

Her response (at 4 years old) That's OK Mommy - your busy. You work a lot. I'm fine.

Can someone please pull the dagger out of my heart? I cried all the way to work.

3/29/2006 4:30 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Besides falling asleep at 5pm, waking at midnight, realizing my kids had put themselves to bed without supper(or with whatever junk food they found to stave off hunger) and then not being able to go back to bed because of the guilt, thereby making me tired again the NEXT day... My blog says it all!

3/29/2006 5:14 PM  
Blogger tacky princess said...

WTM's, your comments are awesome! Keep 'em comin'!
TP

3/29/2006 7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too many stories to tell!! How about when the social worker was visiting for a post-placement visit (my youngest two were adopted) and my little darlings ran to the kitchen for a snack. Then I heard, clear as a bell, "mom the cat left a dead mole on the kitchen floor."

Sure enough, he did.

3/29/2006 8:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I've done that before, where I put my little guy in the carseat and forget to buckle him up. And then I look back at him, while we're driving on an interstate with 70 Mph speed limits and realize, duh, I forgot. Yeah, I almost threw up then.

Or the time I got pissy at my hubby while in the car on my cell phone. I was having probs with the phone and said, 'Fucking phone!". After that my son kept saying, "Bucking car," "Bucking phone" "Bucking dog"!

I could go on and on and on.

3/29/2006 8:07 PM  
Anonymous neka said...

addicted reader...first time poster, but i had to drop in on this one.
i was bathing my 2 children, ages 3 & 2 at the time. my youngest kept standing up, climbing the walls, kicking his sister, etc...the usual bathtime festivities. i warned him repeatedly to knock it off or he was gonna slip & hurt himself. he turns his back to me, apparently because if he cant see me i cant see what he is doing. sure enough, not 30 seconds later i hear a thump during his squirming. he starts wailing at the top of his lungs. from where i am sitting i assume he smacked his knee against the wall or something. i offer no pity, a mom "i told you so" thing. he turns & looks at me with blood streaming down the side of his face. needless to say guilt & horror flood in all at the same time.
turns out he bonked his noggin on the side of the tub & split the skin right by his eyebrow. it was a very tiny cut, but being where it was & the blood/bathwater mix made it look like a slasher movie. *sigh* that was probably my most horrifying mommy moment.

but dont forget the famous "mommy im sick, i cant go to school"
mommy says "you are fine & you are going"
"but mom im gonna throw up"
"no you are not, now no more excuses lets go"
**half way to school**
RETCH "see i told you i was sick"

3/29/2006 9:37 PM  
Blogger ^starshine said...

I'll never forget the day when my toddler dropped her sippee cup and blurted out "Damn it!" I was first horrified that she picked up my curse phrase but then quite please she was able to use it in context!! :)

This one is courtesy of a playgroup Mom.

A Mom was dropping her son off at kindergarten for school. The kindergarten had big huge windows, and so the Mom told her son, "I'll watch you go in from here, if everything is okay just wave and I'll leave."

The boy goes inside and discovers that there is nobody in the classroom. Not knowing what to do, he gestures for his Mom to come in. But she just drives off thinking "wave if everything is okay!"

3/30/2006 12:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When my son was about 5 weeks old, my hubby left us in the parking lot of Home Depot because I had to nurse the baby in the back seat. I had the car running and the heat going (it was the middle of winter in Canada) and I closed the door so I could sit in the back seat and nurse him. Turns out, my car remote doesn't unlock the doors when the car is running so there I am, outside of the running car in nothing but a t-shirt, freezing my a** off while my screaming newborn is in the back seat needing to be fed. Of course my cell phone and jacket were locked in there with him. My hubby, thinking he has lots of time to look around because I was nursing took FOREVER to come out of the store. FInally someone saw me freaking out and shivering so they lent me there cell phone. I must have been quite a sight because when the tow truck driver came to unlock the car, he backed away from me like I was a bomb about to go off. All this while still high on hormones from being pregs and giving birth!

4/10/2006 10:05 AM  
Anonymous Future WTM said...

I'm not a mom yet, but I love your blog and had to share this story...

When I was 11/12 I used to babysit my 6 month old cousin one morning a week (in the summer) because my aunt only worked a half day and both she and mom mother worked a 10 minute walk away from the house. Things went fine for quite a few weeks until he discovered how to move his body around...one morning I was changing his diaper and bent down to put his dirty one in the Diaper Genie when all of a sudden my cousin was literally flipping over my head. Somehow he had managed to squirm his way to the edge of the changing table and, because his head was so much heavier than the rest of his body, flip himself over backward. Unfortunately, he caught his face on the little plastic lid of the Diaper Genie and scratched it really good (narrowly missing his eye, the scratch went from mid-cheek to above the eye-brow). He seriously traumatized me. I have never changed another baby without keeping a hand on him or her at all times, even if I have to wait to throw out the dirty diaper!

I also once walked in on that same cousin with his mouth around the open top of a bottle of shampoo- He didn't drink any of it, but I had caught him just in time.

I can't wait to see what crap I'll put my own children through...

4/26/2006 11:22 AM  

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