Friday, February 24, 2006

Magic Bullet Mania!

That's right. I have already succombed to the evil forces of the television infomercial. I really did my own foreshadowing, didn't I (see 2/21 post)? It was as if I was willing myself to be sucked in to the ticky, tacky (WT) world of sales on tv. But oh, it was soooo delicious, don't you know!?!?! And I can't wait for my little package to arrive! Kind of funny, really. I have personally programmed all of the tv's in our house to skip the stupid shopping network channels automatically when we are channel surfing, so I'm not sure how the tv in our bedroom landed on what is reportedly one of "those" channels. All water under the bridge, though, now, as I am locked in and standing at the door in anticipation of the arrival of my - you guessed it - MAGIC BULLET BLENDER! I can't wait to start making those chicken salad sandwiches in just 6 seconds! Not to mention all those omelets we're going to be having, all because of our new appliance! Tie the sleeves on the white coat behind my back now because I'm pretty sure I've lost all of my marbles this time, and I didn't have them all to start with. Check the knots on the sleeves, will ya'? Traditionally, about half of the items that I have purchased off of an infomercial have been pretty decent. Some I've even re-ordered when they ran out or wore out or whatever. Then, there's the other half. Say, for example, the tantalizing Sobakawa Pillow. Remember that one? Stuffed with buckwheat? Try as I might have, I could not get that thing to be any good for anything other than a foot rest - and a lame foot rest at that. And naturally, it was one of those, "Buy one for a hundred dollars or twelve for fifty cents more!" So, I HAD to go for the better "deal". Trust me when I tell you that I couldn't GIVE those babies away! I finally donated the last one to charity just last year. Oh! One great thing came with the 4,000 pillows, though. The tiny Sobakawa pillow that I left in the freezer for when I had a migraine. It provided relief for literally dozens of migraines until I left it in a hotel mini bar fridge on a trip one time. Never found another one like it... Then, there was the Smart Nails system. Now, that was cool. It made my natural nails look so good. Never mind that I had to spend every waking moment working on my nails. Damn, they looked good! That was one I eventually started finding replacements for at the local Walgreen's. I really do still use that system, and when I stick with it for a period of a few weeks, my nails really do look fab! Now, we can't forget the AbFlex! What a piece of engineering that baby is. Not to worry that it hurts like hell to use it after about four seconds of use, and you're supposed to work up to an 11 hour a day regimen. That wound up at the curb, with a worn-out rubber band thingie (not from use, mind you, but you know how rubber loses its elasticity over time?). Kind of embarrassing to even have to put it out there. It didn't fit in the trash can, so it had to just lean it up against the grody trash can. I put it out after dark, hoping the trash collectors would come early (like they always do when you forget it's trash day...). Unfortunately, I ran into my neighbor while we were both getting our newspapers the next morning (pre-collection), and naturally, he didn't pull any punches. "Oh, I see you've been working out," (sniggering into his sleeve, he in the same pair of sweats I see him in every weekend day of the calendar year, he who is no Brad Pitt, if you get my meaning). "Working like a charm, was it?" I put on my best "drill team" smile and replied sweetly, "Don't you know it," turned on my heel, and sauntered back inside, sucking in my flab all the while... Ah, the infomercial. So intense. So realistic. So...WTM! The Magic Bullet is bound to alter the course of my family's every day existence as we currently know it. And I'll have a group of weirdo's sitting around my kitchen, mooching off of me like the couple on TV - especially Creepy, Crabby Hangover Guy with Bald Head. Uh-huh, he's a looker! Of course, he's not to be overshadowed by Cartoon Maxine Lookalike. You know, the crotchety, wrinkled old lady from the greeting cards! She's a real winner, too. They were the naysayers. The rest of the "guests" were pretty much all cheerleaders. I swear, if I ever have a group like that assembled in my kitchen, I'll just say I'm going to the store, take off, and not come back. Well, I'll let you know how the MB changes my life after it arrives. I'll probably wind up throwing out every other appliance we own and just use this one from now on, like they said I would. I'm sure that's what will happen, aren't you? Good thing my big strong man comes home on Sunday. We'll see if I can make it through until then...maybe if I just stick with the Olympics 24/7 until then. That curling can be a real nailbiter!


Blogger Shadiva said...

I have the Smart Nails thingy! The nail files are cool, but the cuticle oil...well, let's just say I let it sit too long. They should have an expiration date on that stuff. Or better caps because they leak!

2/24/2006 1:00 PM  
Anonymous Mysh said...

I have the Magic Bullet and's FANTASTIC for making slushy drinks, specifically Margaritas. Don't ever put whole olives in it though, because it won't dice them, it will mush them!

GREAT blog! :O)

2/24/2006 1:38 PM  
Anonymous gorillabuns said...

okay, i'm secretly wanting the magic bullet, so you must post how it works for you. if i can make my margaritas in 1/2 the time, i'm sold!

2/24/2006 1:44 PM  
Blogger Dear Lovey Heart said...

I am massively jealous i have lusted after the Magic Bullet many a time, that is one of my favorite infomercials ahh the magic bullet, anyhow good up the good work !!

2/24/2006 11:53 PM  
Anonymous LaDonna said...

Funny blog!
My mom bought all sorts of gadgets and gizmos. When she passed away my sisters and I realized just how much stuff she had. We had a bit of a laugh over some of the things but secretly I had coveted the Smart Spin storage system and the Pasta Pro. I also now have the Grip and Flip tools (not so great) and the Bug Zapper (this looks like an electronic tennis racquet - I can hardly wait to try it out)
And don't diss the curling till you have tried it!!

2/25/2006 6:45 AM  
Anonymous Politically Incorrect Mom said...


Once I bought that set of pots and pans that you can just "throw your dry pasta, tomato sauce and meat in, cook and viola! a delicious meal."

While it was en-route I was so excited telling my husband all about it and he said (in a voice you might use with someone your trying to talk down from a high ledge), "Um, Honey... It's a PRESSURE COOKER... you already have two of them in the cupboard!"

Oops. So I sent them back unopened.

2/25/2006 8:41 AM  
Blogger ^starshine said...

The mere fact that several comments include "its makes the best margarita ever!" is reason alone to buy the magic bullet!

And you failed to mention the color rings so nobody get's their drink confused with someone else's...

2/25/2006 1:56 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

I swear that it looks like the cartoon Maxine lady has a cig hanging out of the side of her mouth for about 5 minutes of the infomercial. Just what I want in my guacamole! Eww.

Can't wait to read your review!

2/26/2006 4:47 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

I was given the magic bullet for Christmas from my grandmother (sorry, but true). Amazingly, it's the best gadget in our kitchen (and, we have quite a few). We use it everyday (we have a toddler, though).

2/27/2006 9:35 PM  
Blogger R. Robyn said...

I happen to love infomercials. When I was a kid I would wake up at 6 in the morning just to watch the Bedazzler one, the stain glass one, the dehydrator one....oh the list goes on. I've never bought anything though....but that's because when I was watching them I didn't have a credit card!

2/28/2006 5:42 AM  
Anonymous Summer said...

I love my magic bullet! But it's not so great with the salsa and guacamole. i don't know how they made that stuff on the show, but I could not duplicate it.
I did have some success though...
Whipped cream! Coffee! omelete stuff! Pimento cheese!
Then the base broke. I'm almost ready to order another one, after wresting with the conventional blender every single day for the last 4 months.

3/04/2006 12:00 AM  
Blogger MaGreen said...

Well, you all have sold me on a Magic Bullet. I don't have TV, I"ll have to seek out on the net.

But when I did have TV I bought some fabulous looking vacuum that I was going to clean my car with. I have no recollection of whether it worked or where it went. Which probably means it sucked.

3/05/2006 8:14 AM  

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